From as long as I can remember my parents encouraged me to listen to others and always speak up to others and tell the truth no matter what has gone on. I have always taken this with me, passed this on to my children; said to them whatever has happened just tell me and we will deal with it. This has I believe gave us a trustworthy bond between parent and child no matter what their age. My lads are in their 30’s and we still talk, I trust them and they trust me. Growing up I knew I could go to my parents and talk to them about anything and everything, I always knew whatever I said to my Mum or Dad it would go no further. They were full of fabulous advice, helped me transform from teenager to adult. Who do I talk to now? I chat to a couple of friends about everything and anything, one in particular we know we can discuss ‘our laundry’ with each other. However, my ultimate bounce off and discussion partner is my hubby Steve, we are partners in life, super friends, chat about all and sundry and most importantly there is that Element of Trust
Steve and Me
So what is trust? I believe it is when someone can be relied on. Their honesty and integrity shines through. If I trust someone it means I believe they are who they say they are and they will always do what they say they will do. Most importantly what comes out of their mouth or from their written hand is the truth. They will not lie to me.
I pride myself in having a fabulous circle of friends, a beautiful family and most certainly a very close knit few that I value and trust with my life. Recently I have been disappointed with acquaintances. When I got told a lie from someone I actually never thought I would. That kick in the shins fairly knocked the stuffing out of me for several reasons………
There have been people in my life recently that have been irritable, non trustworthy, tit tattling to other people. These reprobates aren’t worth worrying about.
Building up trust: has not always made me popular but I’m a believer in say what you mean and mean what you say. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Remember the role of respect.
I have counted my blessings. Enjoyed being with friends and family. And relished that special time with my most loyal trustworthy labradors, Buddy and Bella; now they could teach a few humans a thing or two.
Buddy & Bella walk with steve
Bella & Buddy help steve
So for me, trust is important, especially in building up relationships. For those who know me, I’m a very happy honest human who enjoys life. Every day is precious and I am continuing to enjoy life with my beautiful family. On Saturday Steve took time from his busy business we spent a precious day together, Steve did a wonderful job gardening, Bella watching every step. Sunday we both took an amazing trip on Fattie our Harley-Davidson® to Moffat, St Mary’s Loch and Peebles with some friends. Sunday; beautiful scenery, lovely weather and great friends; a fabulous recipe for an amazing day out. Just the tonic to end the week.
I’m nearly 55 years of age and the words Huntington’s Disease are heard and said without thinking. Not thought of as strange or unusual. Why because I first officially heard the actual word Huntington’s when I was approaching my teenage years. My aunt (my Dad’s sister in law) was diagnosed with it. My auntie Josie was a beautiful lady; inside and out. Anyone that knows me will know that I am a dog with a bone, when I hear something I want to know everything about it. Curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought it back. Thats me. In the mid to late 1970’s it wasn’t something you shouted from the roof tops. And the ‘grown ups’ discussed things behind closed doors. I heard this word ‘Huntington’s’ getting mentioned often and then started seeing a change in my beautiful aunt. As a family we all spent a lot of time together. I spent quite a lot of time with my aunt and uncle’s 4 children. One day I came out with it, I was almost 14 years of age and I felt I needed to know more, those days you just couldn’t jump on a computer and search google. My aunt was amazing, she was actually brutally honest. She told me she loved my honesty and gumption for asking. She said when the time would come that no-one would be able to understand her talking properly, in fact she may hardly not be able to be understood at all, she herself would still be able to hear and would understand everything. She said she was nervous of being a prisoner in her own body. She laid her hand on mine, my heart thumped so hard I could hear it echoing in my ears. She asked “you will still talk to me”. I took her hand with my other and said, “am I my Mother’s daughter am I not. I can talk for Scotland. Of course I will”. She said to me if any of my children get this I beg for a cure in the future. Huntington’s disease is hereditary and there is a 50% of inheriting it. Bang on in my aunts family the two younger children, Susan and Colin were diagnosed. Colin chose never to marry, however prior to getting confined to a wheelchair if Colin was still here today and was promoting awareness he would say It’s me Colin, I’ve got Huntington’s Disease. Are you listening?
Colin
So what is Huntington’s Disease? It is a devastating rare hereditary disorder of the brain. Your chances of getting diagnosed is 50% if you have a parent with the disease. It affects the nervous system of the body; the network of tissues in the brain and the spinal cord that coordinates your body’s activities. Everyone with Huntington’s through time will deteriorate physically, cognitively and emotionally. Till eventually they are fully dependent on the help of others, whether it is family, carers or nursing staff; or a mixture of all. Symptoms usually rear their ugly head between the age of 30 an 50 years of age, with symptoms getting worse over a period of 10 to 25 years until the person dies. Huntington’s affects between 1 and 10,000 and 1 in 20,000 people in the UK. Unfortunately, as yet there is no cure and very little awareness.
The Month of May is Huntington’s Disease Awareness Month. The wonderful organisation; The Huntington’s Disease Alliance UK and Ireland are running a campaign Family Matters. The Alliance consists of four independent charities throughout UK and Ireland. The four independent charities all have the same goals and strive to help those affected by the disease, promote awareness and do their best to increase the understanding of UK wide of Huntington’s Disease.
Charities like these are important to get the message out there. Also to help those living with the illness, offer support, put you in the right direction in a time of need.
My auntie Josie was such an inspiration to me. Despite her own fears and worries she brought up with her supportive husband, my uncle, 4 lovely children. In her early days she was a Sunday school teacher. A loving mum, a super aunt. My Mum said she made not just a great sister in law but a great sister. It seemed so quickly that her speech became slurred and for many they didn’t know what she was saying. Her hands and legs were turned inwards as time went on and walking went from slow, to staggering to not at all. In the early days some people would assume she maybe had a glass of wine or six. But soon it was apparent that it was much more. I always remembered the conversation we had that day, and I would blether and tell her of my day, and would not care how long it took, I would wait till she finished asking me the question. It was usually, how was my brother’s children? or or the like. One thing she never lost, despite getting this cruel debilitating condition was her caring nature. Life for my auntie Josie was difficult, but yet she had very happy times, such a loving caring devoted family surrounded by love. For my aunt her husband was her rock. He cared dutifully for her in the latter stage, with the four children rallying round as and when they could.
As a family we are all very close. Close brothers and sisters, nieces, nephews, aunts and uncles and cousins. We all saw and still see each other fairly regularly. Most definitely keep in touch. I spent many a day in my summer break with my Johnston cousins. One thing we certainly all do is look out for each other. Try and help or offer advice if we can, when we can. The four children that were born and could be carrying the gene did not get treated any different. Laughter, games, studying, work, etc went on. Then came the time for the tests. The two youngest, Susan (same age as me) and Colin tested positive.
Colin, is a fun character. My punk rocker cousin in his tartan suit. Who drove stock cars. Loved classic cars. Collected them, looked and drove them. Was a fabulous boxer, with numerous trophies. An independent soul. He never married or took a partner. Lived with his Dad then moved to his own home, he loved his own house. He loved his music even more and travelled to punk rock festivals. He went on cruises. Loved his family dearly. His nieces were everything to him. When he started to struggle with walking he took his two nieces Leah and Kara on a Cruise, they loved him so much they helped care for him at times when he was less able. Colin liked a rum and a dance, and when he had to get his peg feed and was in his wheelchair, he didn’t let things get him down. He would put a little rum down his tube and he took to the floor on his wheels in his tartan suit. The sad fact is Colin had to get a peg feed because he lost his swallowing function; this was a decision he didn’t make lightly. It was probably one of the hardest decisions he had to make. And I’m not entirely sure he really wanted it. For someone that was so active and loved to sing, dance etc. This disease is so cruel to watch. To see my beautiful cousin struggle to tell me he still loves me was so hard. But at the same time it was so good to see how courageous he was, putting all his strength into a conversation, that love was still there and he definitely could still make me smile.
A very happy memory I have is a family BBQ held by Susan and Colin’s sister Karen. We had a super time. As you walked into the garden you were welcomed with smiling faces, the sound of children laughing and adults chit chatting and generally having a great time. Karen’s children, Kara and Heather and Susan’s girls, Leah and Billy would get up at any time needed and automatically fell into the role of carers without looking like a carer. Just that help with a sip cup, or cutting up the food to the correct size. A beautiful caring family that looked after each other without having to ask; the automatic care, willing ear to listen, physical help, loving unconditionally.
Family Does Matter
Colin’s symptoms worsened. It became impossible to live in the house that became his beautiful safe home and despite having carers in several times per day and family popping in the heart wrenching decision of moving swiftly came into his life. Colin needed to go into residential care, the difficulty was finding one that took a person diagnosed with Huntington’s Disease. Much to Colin’s disappointment Colin lived the last days of his life in Balhousie Rumbling Bridge Care Home. Colin was no longer a five minute drive or a 15 minute walk from his sisters and nieces and close proximity to his brother, Billy, but a drive across the Forth. He was still easy enough to visit and my sister Hazel visited on occasions too, and at times took my Dad. Colin loved to get a visitor, whether it was a sibling, cousin or friend. Rumbling Bridge Care Home did a fabulous job in looking after Colin. Sadly we lost our Colin to Huntington’s Disease. We had a funeral in Edinburgh in true punk rock fashion at Colin’s request.
Susan, Colin, their Dad Bill & Susan’s granddaughter
Susan continues to battle with Huntington’s Disease every day. I spoke to her on chat yesterday. And to her daughter Leah, we are so looking forward to the restrictions of covid getting lifted so Leah can drive her Mum down to mine for a visit. It’s a bit of an expedition, but will be worth it. Leah has room for Mum’s wheel chair in her car. I live in the country, the house is a detached, parking right at the front door. Plenty of room. And certainly no trip zones. So all good. I am so looking forward to seeing Suzie Pie, I haven’t seen her personally for a while especially due to covid restrictions. Susan’s speech is now slurred and walking worsened she needs the chair. I am so heartened she has a devoted compassionate family. Although it’s heartbreaking to see my cousin deteriorating so rapidly from the last time we met, the person I know and love is still there. Life for my beautiful cousin is like living on a knife edge. A simple meal, something most people take for granted is a terrifying ordeal. Every meal, literally any piece of food or drink that goes down is dangerous. Just recently Suzie pie aspirated into her lungs and then had to get treated for a severe chest infection. Unlike her brother Susan does not have a peg feed and is now passed the point of being able to get one. I long for our next meet up so we can have something that hasn’t been allowed for what feels like an eternity an almighty hug and we can spend some time together. We always share “cousin time” it just takes a little longer to have the conversation. But as they say Good things come to those who wait but better things come to those who are patient.
This disease changes the daily lives of everyone that is affected with it. The person that is diagnosed is eventually trapped inside their own body. Forced to get help from others, be it physical and emotional. Even the fittest and most ambitious of us, as time goes by, our bodies get consumed by HD. Families and friends do their ultimate best to help and care both physically and emotionally. However at times they feel the pressure and need reassurance; we need to remember they too are fighting their own battle. Living with Huntington’s Disease affects the daily life of the person with it, but those living around them. It can have a massive impact on those who live in the home. When symptoms start to worsen and physical symptoms begin to progress equipment starts to invade the house. Yes its a fabulous help. But at the same time, another tick of the box that the disease is progressing in the direction you were hoping would take a little longer.
I hope by reading a little about my aunt and cousins you have been able to open your eyes to Huntington’s Disease and I’ve managed to raise awareness of this crippling disease that only takes over the body of those diagnosed but can haunt the minds of all those affected.
The awareness month of May is what is needed to spread the word. Let people feel more relaxed and knowledgeable about the disease. Family Matters. Absolutely fabulous, please take a look at their website. I have also been heartened to see on the television on the BBC drama Casualty, A&E Doctor Ethan Hardy has tested positive for HD.
The Family Matters Campaign is to raise awareness of Huntington’s Disease. This can only be a good thing. They are inviting those who have experience of Huntington’s to send in any information they would like to share, in the form of pictures, words, thoughts; it can be a poem for example, a quote, a few photographs. These will be shared on a digital community space called The Living History Project – it will be shared on The Living History Wall
To help promote awareness of Huntington’s it is important to share information not only by talking about it, reading pamphlets, etc, but moving on to the digital age. Sharing on television, websites, social media, etc. As I said earlier the BBC have brought it in on the storyline on Casualty which is fabulous for raising awareness. Charities such as #FamilyMatters help so many people and work so hard especially promoting awareness of #HuntingtonsDisease during #HDAwarenessMonth of May. You can find a relevant organisation in your area:
@HDA_tweeting – England and Wales
@HDAssocNI – Northern Ireland
@HDAI_ie – Ireland
@ScottishHD – Scotland
The Scottish Huntington’s Association avidly campaigns for Huntington’s disease charities. Olympic medalist and double world champion rower, Sarah Winckless is patron. Huntington’s is in Sarah’s family on her Mum’s side. Sarah herself has tested positive for the gene.
One thing I have to say I have rarely met a person with Huntington’s that has been a complainer in life. They have such a hard deck of cards to deal with in life and yet always seem to make the most of it.
So while you may have been complaining about being trapped in your 4 walls for a few weeks or months due to Government restrictions remember the people that are fighting a battle to get out there all the time.
Over the last year I have been missing out in meeting up with chums and support network at net cancer support meetings organised by TAECT We have however had zoom meetings. Had a chance to chat and share a story or two over the internet. Our last meeting we had a guest specialist. The zoom meeting was different this time it was a question and answer session with dietician/nutritionist, Tara Whyand specialising in net cancer and carcinoid syndrome. On a Wednesday evening we were talking about nutrition
The zoom meeting was very well attended with a great variety of questions. It was informative and interesting. Living with a peg feed you may wonder why I want to take part in the discussion. Primarily because I miss my chums and want to see familiar faces. I physically miss seeing the friends I’ve made through the group, including Barbara, Margaret, the two Alistairs, Muriel & Eric, David & Isobel. It feels like a lifetime ago that we were all together in Pencaitland bowling club at the Tea Party I pulled together and the music night. Not only raising money for Scotland’s Net Cancer Charity but promoting awareness of the cancer and making new friends. Pre Covid we would meet up physically these meetings would be called Net Natter Meetings. Things have to change slightly for now and technology is fabulous letting us all join in and natter together.
It may seem strange that someone like myself with a gastrostomy tube attends a nutrition chat. However, I found it great. Tara mentioned one of the most bothersome symptom; diarrhea. We discussed this. Spoke about flushing. Also pellagra. We discussed taking supplements such as creon and vitamin B. All in all it was very informative and helpful. I’m sure everyone got a lot out of it.
As the covid vaccine has been rolled out and the restrictions are getting lifted I hope we will be meeting up soon and we can start to have regular Net Natter Meetings again.
Since the day my consultant told me I had to give up driving my online shopping has increased tenfold. I purchase my weekly grocery shop online. The Sainsbury’s van could drive its way to our cottage on its own I’m sure. I have to admit I purchase nearly everything online, and from everywhere. I was so happy when I found out I was able to shop and give to charity without costing me a penny.
As most of my regular blog readers know I regularly attend Net natter support meetings with The Ann Edgar Charitable Trust. (TAECT) Scotland’s Neuroendocrine Cancer Charity. They are an invaluable support network as well as offer information days and zoom meetings. I got an email from TAECT letting me know that they had registered with Amazon Smile and Give as You Live.
So me being me, an avid online shopper and a huge supporter of TAECT started going onto Amazon Smile rather than my regular Amazon. I shop on Amazon frequently. I am an Amazon Prime customer and purchase several items per week. So thought it best to support the Charity. All I do is make a purchase as normal, pay the price like usual. The charity gets 0.5% of the sales every time I shop at no cost to me.
I then decided to register for Give a you live, its so simple. Register for free, and then shop online to different retailers. The retailer donates a percentage of sales to the charity. Its that simple. Companies that participate include, John Lewis, B & Q, Dunelm, H & M, Argos, Marks & Spencers, Pets at Home, Screwfix, Ebay, plus many many more. In only one week, I have shopped in John Lewis, Dunelm and Boden. £7.71 has been donated to charity without costing me any extra money.
Both schemes are a wonderful way to donate money to charity, there are a great deal of charities to choose from and many on your doorstep. All without leaving your arm chair and only for the cost of. the goods. Its a win win situation.
You can have a look at smile Amazon here. And Give as you live here. I’m sure you will agree they are both fabulous ways to help the income of charities.
So the next time you are going on Amazon to shop, instead of the regular Amazon, go on Amazon Smile. Register a charity and donate 0.5% every time you shop. If you are buying a gift for someone, treating yourself to something, getting a much needed product for the house, go through give as you live and donate a percentage to charity. It really is that simple and no extra cost to you at all.
As I have grown older I have came to realise that there aren’t many guarantees in life. The only certainties in life are birth,death and change. We are born, changes take place and we die. To make things more pleasant all round and something we take for granted in the United Kingdom is that we will always have somewhere to go when we are sick. Get taken care of free of charge and when the inevitable happens are granted A comfortable place to die.
When a person is faced with a terminal illness, at some point thoughts come racing in to the mind where do you want to spend the last days. People’s answers are very personal ones. For some being at home and spending every last possible moment being cared for in the family home is their wish. Others prefer to be cared for in a hospice or hospital environment. Either way, the experience I have witnessed personally the care given has always been outstanding. The nursing staff making sure in the last weeks, days and right down to moments comfort is paramount.
There is no getting away from it making a choice where you want to end your days is far from easy. There is an awful lot to consider. However even when all the pros and cons are weighed up and it’s been decided home, hospital or hospice sometimes it just doesn’t go as smooth as you would expect.
We may choose to stay at home and be cared for by your loved ones and supported by district nursing team. Most of the time it goes well and you get your wish and you can stay at home. The district nurse team and Marie curie nurses that cared for my Father in his home gave him a caring, dignified last few days. For that we cannot thank the wonderful medical team enough and will forever be in their debt. Home nursing teams work very hard looking after the patient, ordering drugs, equipment, supplies, communicating with other health professionals. We are lucky to have such good staff working on the NHS, providing us with with amazing service. They are dedicated, take care of the patient and make sure the family are coping too. At present I have the most amazing team of District Nurses that come in to my home and give me injections, service my stoma/gastrostomy tube, change dressings, etc. They also look out for my nearest and dearest.
However for some there can be a time that everything is all set up and there is a spanner in the works and you need shipped off to hospital and you no longer get the home care you so wished for. In a snap decision one of most difficult decisions of your life has been literally taken out of your hands. What we have to remember is things happen for a reason and getting sent into hospital is most likely with best intentions.
When we make a decision to end our days in a hospice it’s a choice that certainly does not come lightly. Whilst you get fabulous care and are in a safe and secure environment, it’s not home. Although hospices have a much less clinical feel than hospitals you can’t quite move your pet in. The biggest problem at the moment is the waiting time to go in. Main reason being there just isn’t enough palliative care beds to go around. It’s heartbreaking but the practicality is that we are actually waiting on someone passing away to then offer a bed. In the UK we get used to getting our health care and this includes all our cancer treatments free of charge. All us human beans in UK take our health care for granted; go to the doctor and don’t think about the cost. Many people think more about putting money away vet bills for our pets or saving for a holiday than donating to a charity.
Hospices, such as Marie Cure and St Columba’s, home care nursing from Marie Curie and Macmillian are not NHS or big private hospitals, they are self financing. They are charities. Rely on donations and fundraising. They offer their services free to patients who need them, at times it may be respite care where a patient goes in for a few days then goes home, or the nurses go to a patient’s home and takes care of them; gives the family help with washing the patient, changing pyjamas, changing sheets, etc, and patient staying in hospice for life end care.
On thinking about the charities, I believe we need to try and chip in a tad if we can. Next time you are eating that McDonald’s and you are about to have a Mcflurry with it; what’s the cost for the ice cream? Couple of quid? Perhaps think about matching the couple of pounds in a donation, I definitely will.
I’m in my mid fifties and have known people very dear to me that have died by their own choosing at home, in hospital and in a hospice. All very well cared for, and I can see the benefits and down sides of all. For the person that is going to meet his Maker and for those that are left behind. Me? If I mange to get my wish I will not be at home and I will not be a burden on anyone. Let’s hope this works out.
My Labradors are content at our holding. Buddy never really leaves my side, goes wherever I go, literally with me into the bathroom, etc. The clever clogs knows when my unusual body is playing up and despite having my peg feed on my blood sugars drop and he comes to my assistance. He knows when my heart is banging so hard I can feel it pounding. Buddy is a wonderful assistance dog to me, my right hand boy. He wanders around the house, pads up and down the long hall. If I was to put a pedometer on him I could imagine his step count each day just in the house, never mind the garden would be pretty high. Bella gets a free reign to. They love their runs in the back field, especially with granddaughter Alexandra. However, when my sister Hazel said she had booked www.unleasheddogparks.co.uk for Buddy, Bella and her young border collie Jed I never anticipated what was in store – a fabulous afternoon at the dog park
Unleashed dog park is only literally a three minute drive from our home in Boggs Holdings, Pencaitland. It provides a wonderful safe environment to let your dog run free and get plenty of exercise. There are great quality equipment for the dogs to play on, a sensory area, a sandpit.
The massive bonus for us is you drive your car into the field you will be using. With my health the way it is, I’m certainly not up to walking my babies a long walk. Places like the dog park in my area are just perfect for a treat. They enjoy running around as they do on our wide open fields but with the added extras of the sensory garden, the equipment to climb on. A fabulous and safe place to train or treat your pampered pouch.
Buddy on his favourite ramp
My only disappointment was photography is a huge passion of mine and I neglected to take my Nikon camera with me I took all my photos on my phone. Don’t get me wrong I was really pleased with the results on my Apple
Bella eager to get going, but will pause for a photo if you bribe her 😝 “Look at me go”, says Border Collie, JedBella ready for an adventure
Since March 2020 life has been a funny old world for us all. The arrival of Coronavirus and the devastating effects it has had on us. Many of us have had life changing situations and learned to live with a new normal. We have lost people we love, heartbreakingly not been able to be with them in their hour of need. Staff have courageously battled on through conditions many have never seen before. For all the dedication of workers, volunteers, families, friends, loved ones, etc I thank you. Without the help and love of others it’s difficult to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Now sitting writing this on this Thursday morning in April 2021 in my sitting room, I feel a whole lot more positive than I did this time last year. The vaccine is going well. Yes we are concerned about blood clots, but that’s a whole different story and I believe the benefits outweigh the risks. The restrictions are lessening here in Scotland.
My District Nurse, Jennifer was in yesterday she commented how peaceful and relaxing our home is. I told her yes with my carcinoid syndrome fatigue is a huge problem as well as nocturnal diarrhoea so quietly listening to music and writing is relaxing and helps a great deal. Buddy and Bella help too. Snuggling up on the sofa with my Labradors can be just what the Doctor ordered.
The stressful year has affected us all. For me the best way I cope is having my glass half full not empty. Taking the dogs to the dog park such as Unleashed helps blow away the cobwebs. It benefits both the human beans and the K9s.
If you haven’t been to a dog park before and you are swithering, give it a try, Buddy is ten years old, Bella eight and my sister’s border collie, Jed is only nine months. They all had an amazing time. Got home tired out and I’m sure they are looking forward to their next visit.
It’s coming up to the final Saturday in March and here in the UK we are all going to lose an hours sleep. We usually associate lack of sleep with things like stress, or going on a night out, or maybe the baby has kept us up crying. But this time we are getting told YOU WILL HAVE ONE HOUR LESS THROUGH THE NIGHT LIKE IT OR NOT. Are most of us going to complain about this? Heck NO! Why, it’s British Summertime. This Saturday we will spring forward.
Since March 2020 for many of us life has been pretty difficult one way or another. We have had many an incident to try us. Covid-19 struck and the world has never been the same again. Worldwide 125 million have been diagnosed with covid, 2.75 million people have died from covid. Countries have been in lockdown, many of us still have restrictions. Businesses closed, lots of folks unable to work or changing their way of working and working from home or making adjustments to their workplaces to ensure the safety of the workforce and customers. Education has been a huge challenge for both students and staff. Everyone in life feeling some sort of pressure in some way or another.
What we have to remember is everything that has been done is in the interest of all of us. When we have been told to stay at home it is for our own good and to help save lives. The vaccine is being rolled out and ticking along nicely. The elderly, frontline workers and the vulnerable were the first to get their injections. Now centres are busy working round the clock making sure we all get immunised.
As the beautiful daffodils dance in the March winds, they bring hope and I believe happiness. Our front garden has many daffodils. As the dogs run up the grass and the sun shines down on them as they pass them you can’t help but feel a warmth in your heart, even on a cool day. Yesterday my sister Hazel and my 5 year old granddaughter Alexandra walked my Labradors. They all had a lovely time. Including me; I maybe wasn’t on the walk, however I so enjoyed hearing about it when they came back and loved to see my delightful labs looking so happy. Tails wagging franticly, bottoms wiggling and big doggie cheesy smiles.
Hazel, Alexandra, Buddy and Bella out for a walk
Hubby Steve came back home and Alexandra was very excited to see her Papa. Out she went and jumped on the lawn tractor. And rode up the garden, her beautiful curly hair naturally blowing back showing her delightful smiling happy face. Afterwards she came striding back to the house, grinning from ear to ear with a bunch of daffodils in her hand from the garden; won’t they look nice in the window Granny, Alexandra said with pride. And how right she is.
Tonight I will be going to bed, and setting any manual clock one hour ahead. Big benefit in UK is daylight saving. Next weekend is Easter. I’ve got a busy week ahead, stoma nurse specialist video call on Monday, big discussion and specialist training to get discussed. Specialised training to get booked in. My nurses will be in on Wednesday for Gastrostomy full service, dressing change and octreotide injection.
Lets hope the weather starts to get warmer, and life will certainly start to look an awful lot brighter for all of us.
Daffodils on the windowsill Alexandra walking Bella at the back of the house
We are only half way into the month of March and already it has been filled with emotion. Despite feeling very unwell, burst balloon in my gastrostomy tube, more district nurse visits than normal at home; I have spent time with all 4 of my siblings, we have pulled together and gave the love back that was showered upon us as we grew up. February was difficult and March became emotional, in this year 2021 I certainly will not forget this month, with so many memories – most definitely a memorable month of March.
Just a few weeks ago my Daddy Bear admitted he wasn’t feeling too good. Mid February, we brought a bed downstairs and the GP came to his home to see him. My sister, Hazel and I were there. The news from the GP wasn’t good and Dad didn’t have long; she reckoned a couple of weeks. The GP arranged for the District Nurses to come in to Dad. They would visit every morning and then assess how often the visits on top. As one of five we arranged a timetable so Dad need never be alone. He had constant care. The team of district nurses were fabulous, their care second to none. The support they offered was outstanding, they brought endless supplies. Our uncomplaining Father they said was a privilege to care for. They also commented on what a superb system we had in place for looking after ‘our Bertie’
The service from the NHS we can not fault. The District nurse thought it would be a good idea to get a hospital bed for Dad, he would be more comfortable on an air Mattress and it would be easier and safer to attend to him with adjustable height and the ability to raise his head, etc. Nurse Wendy telephoned for the bed at 11am, it got delivered at 2pm that day, and the nurses came at 2.20pm to transfer Dad from his own bed to the hospital bed at home. Service with a smile.
When I was home and getting treated by my district nurse, she asked how I was and how I was coping – we had a good chat. In the conversation I mentioned where my Dad lived and the area the District Nurses covered. My nurse knew the nurses personally. She had worked with them and commended their great work, she told me my Pops was in excellent hands and they would take great care of him. And that they certainly did.
The district nurses, Mari and Wendy asked if we would like extra nursing help. This came in the way of Marie curie Nurses. They were amazing. Came in twice a day to care after Dad. Nothing was too much trouble for the delightful angels that came to assist with Dad’s care. However, they not only looked after our Father, it was very apparent they were there for us too.
Knowing Dad didn’t have long left on earth I wanted to treasure every moment I could with him. With my health I’m not normally up and ready to go first thing in the morning. And during current restrictions I have been home and not seeing anyone. However, this situation put a different light on things and gave me an inner strength. I would get up in the morning, take off my night feed, get into the Wetroom and get myself ready to go to see my Dad. Getting washed is one of the most essential exhausting activities for me. Turning on the shower, getting washed, sitting on my stool, looking down at my bright red flushed feet. Getting washed exhausts me and brings on a carcinoid syndrome flush. Right from the tip of my feet, all the way up my legs, over my trunk, up my neck, leaving me with a bright red face. My heart thumping; I can hear it banging in my ears. I lie on the floor till it calms down. Meanwhile my skin begins to dry. I climb up on the stool and get myself dressed. Put on my creams, including my Dundee cream. I go to the sitting room where hubby, Steve has done all my meds. Take them for the morning. Put on my feed. Sit for a rest to get some energy built up. And then all set to go to spend some time with my amazing Dad. My brother Albert will be there in the morning too to meet up with the nurses along with me.
We only got just over one week to care for Dad. It was the most precious time and a privilege to be part of. I thank the lord for blessing me with enough stamina to go to the folks; our family home, and be with Dad in his last days. The love I have for my parents pushed me to go on. After the love, security and safe feeling my parents surrounded me with I would give them it back ten fold.
The love and dependability my parents gave me always made me feel safe at home. This is something I have always strived for. To make sure my children feel safe and secure and that they can always come home. After Dad passed away these words struck a heart string or two:
Sometimes I feel lost
You too?
Remember I love you, and
Love brings you home
Who was our Dad? He was a caring, loving and kind Dad, husband, Grandad, Great Grandad, brother and uncle. He would give us kids his last. For Dad his family is everything. He taught us well, brought us up grand and fair. He worked very hard and built up his own business. We always had a car and we were the first folk in the street to have a tv. Mum was the love of Dads life, they loved to travel and enjoyed many trips abroad, including their beloved Germany, especially the Rhineland. They loved to take trips in the car , taking the grandkids out on adventures. When Mum died Dad gave up driving, he said he no longer had a co pilot to go out on journeys with him. Dad never got over Mum’s death, like me he just learned to live with it. Our folks not only provided a loving secure home for us five, but offered our children, and their children a place to come whenever they needed. They welcomed our friends, Mum chatted to them, offering a sympathetic ear and Dad could be found in the kitchen making a sandwich or ten. When it came to parents I reckon we hit the jackpot.
Dad picking plums at mine
It is going to take me some time to as they say get my mojo back. When alone I find myself thinking of something that reminds me of my very happy childhood, or the assistance as I went to university, having my children, moving home, going into hospital, getting treatment, need I go on… and I am reminded of all the happy times I have had with my folks and then the sudden realisation that this will never happen again. My heart sinks and I am filled with dreaded fear. I have to believe that my folks are at peace, I was well and truly loved and so very privileged to call Helen and Albert my parents.
I’m pretty sure that most of us have been affected by cancer at some time in our lives, either by living with the disease, helping someone through it, or maybe its an acquaintance, but affected you more than you thought it would. Whatever your involvement with the word cancer and the illness, it impacts the lives not only of the person that physically has the diagnosis but those around them. As someone that has had the word cancer in their life for quite some time, the diagnosis in many people, although it has taken the life of such wonderful people today is a day for positivity today is World Cancer Day 2021
When many of us sit in a consultation room and gets a cancer diagnosis it can be like hitting a brick wall and your world can go in a turmoil, everything can become a blur and life may never be the same again. Some cancer journeys are fairly short and others are a long hard slog, whilst there are unfortunately some that are managed with palliative care. Wherever the road takes you its always a memorable one and easier if you have someone to share it with.
Family and friends are fabulous they listen, help you, take you to appointments, etc. And are a great shoulder to cry on. However, we have to remember they are affected to and need escapism. Sometimes its good to talk to a complete stranger. Or at least what starts of as a stranger. When you are going through a cancer journey please reach out and talk. Talk about your feelings, don’t leave them in the box and feel strangled and down. Charities such as Maggies Cancer Care, Marie Curie offer volunteer facilities where someone will chat to you, other places do this service too, ask your oncologist, consultant, doctor, GP or nurse for advice. Even if you are too unwell to go and meet up, or as we are at present in these restrictions due to covid; arrangements can be made to chat on the phone. Believe me it really helps. It certainly doesn’t have to be on the nature of how are you feeling?, but can be if you want it to be. Conversation can be light hearted. Just because you have a serious illness doesn’t mean you need to have a serious conversation; you are still allowed to laugh. Its lovely to build up a relationship with someone and have trust in them that you can talk and say things and that it will go no further. Not feel guilty for what you say. Feel good for laughing. Share stories.
Whatever the cancer journey its usually an emotional one as well as a physical one. Most certainly one we couldn’t do without the help of the wonderful oncologists, consultants, doctors, scientists, nurses, volunteers, researchers, drug companies, charities, etc. For their amazing hard work and dedication I would like to thank them. What certainly keeps me going is positivity and keeping that frown upside down by making sure I smile each and every day.
Well one month into 2021 already. Its just turned February. For some its a dark month and many folks find it a lonely difficult time, with thoughts and reflections going through our minds. This year we are still in restrictions, a great deal of people have jumped from one personal crisis to another. There has been so many difficult situations for our fellow human bean to cope with over the last year; we have been tested in more ways than one. I have known a fair number of family and friends who have over the last year fought life threatening coronavirus. During this pandemic many people have faced fear, anxiety, poverty, hardship, social isolation, unemployment, etc. Now is the time to take notice of who has been helping who, and most importantly does anyone need help. Remember when we used to pop in for a quick chat, or go out for that drink, meet up at lunch time, or a run on the bikes. That person is possibly lonely a missing seeing everyone and could do with a jolly good chat. Do yourself a favour and as the scout or girl guide leader would say do your good deed for the day; Pick up the phone – its good to talk
I think we can all agree that this has been an unusual year. It has been a difficult time for everyone at some time and we have all be faced some sort of challenge and uncertainty. I don’t think anyone thought we would still be facing these kind of restrictions in 2021. Covid-19 has dominated our lives and health. The NHS and the care staff have taken good care of us since the start. They are dedicated and like true troopers put patients before themselves, work long hours; doing their best to make us feel as comfortable and secure in these strange and difficult circumstances.
From my personal experience my team of medics all the way through this pandemic have been ultimate superstars. My net specialist emails in between appointments to check up on me, make sure how I am doing. My nurses come in to my home changing my dressings, changing the water in my gastrostomy tube weekly, administer my octreotide treatment at home fortnightly, change my entire gastrostomy tube every 8 weeks (however due to problems such as infections, burst balloons, etc its been happening after 5 weeks, 1 week, 3 weeks). My nurses will also come to my home if I have any problems. They are wonderful; my net specialist telephoned me last week when he was on the phone he commended the nurses and said the work they did and how well they looked after me, helping keep the amount of infections down and most certainly assisted in keeping me out of the hospital. The amazing supportive Community Enteral Nutrition Team (CENT) call me regularly. Usually Kat or Marion visit me every two months. They weigh me, check on my peg feed and we discuss how my feeding regime is going. We talk about my quality of life, what is going on with my appointments, my body and everything thats going on in my life. They are very supportive and always at the end of a phone. I can pick up the phone and give them a call any day, if they can’t pick it up and talk to me when I call. Their secretary June will answer, take a message and one of them will call me back, chat with me and sort out any problem that may be going on. They report to my dedicated Net specialist (The Prof), my hard working GI consultant, who works hand in hand with the Prof, and my GP. Letting them know if anything needs changed, such as my frequency of feed, etc. Remember my GI consultant, he is the chap who did the creative drawing when he kindly saw me bang in the middle of covid restrictions and did a wee procedure when my gastrostomy tube fell further into my intestines than it should have. He has to have sense he has labradors.
For some people this will have been a long and lonely year. For others it will have gone quickly and nothing much will have changed other than the physical restrictions, such as supermarkets, going from one district to another, closure of shops, establishments, etc. This time last year I was looking forward to going to Dunedin Chapter’s AGM meeting and annual dance; this is the Harley-Davidson® club that my husband and I belong to. The AGM was actually the last meeting we all got together for an official meeting. Now that the vaccine is getting rolled out, you never know…………. I miss the blether, the friendships, get togethers. However, right now its for our own good, and we have to wait until the appropriate time. A while longer to make sure we are safe is better in the long run. So in the meantime be content with sharing a conversation on social media or a text, email and most definitely a natter on the phone. When director of Dunedin Chapter Scotland HOG® #9083, Stewart Willox phones me and says I won’t keep you Elizabeth, and we are still blethering 20 minutes later. I’m sure the poor chap’s ears are bleeding.
I have been very fortunate over the last year and would like to says thanks to the folks that have kept me going, I wrote an earlier post on being thankful for my smartphone and posts being grateful of support during this pandemic. However, I would like to echo this and let everyone know I more than appreciate the texts (yes minister friend Janice, even the early morning Prayers), WhatsApp’s, emails, social media messages; every piece of contact helps prevent the feeling of loneliness, it makes me appreciate what I have – a circle of human beings around me that care. I so love the photos I receive in texts of my grandchildren, it brightens my life and lightens my heart. Marion and Tony send me the most beautiful photos of Luna, she was born in lockdown, we were privileged to see her Christmas Day and have only seen her via technology since, thank goodness for gadgets. We have round robin texts between Tony, Stuart, Marion, Laura and Myself; all checking in, keeping up with the news and sharing photographs. Pre lockdown both my sons were at our house regularly and our home filled with laughter and cheer. Now our lads call regularly, they FaceTime with the kids which is fabulous, I get time to talk to the boys and chat away with the babes. Nearly 5 year old granddaughter Alexandra loves chatting away at anytime. See how they are developing, here all their news. Never tire of hearing their news, listening to Tony telling of his uni work, and whats going on in the world of government policy at Edinburgh University , or chatting with Stuart as he drives home from a hard shift at the hospital where we talk about all sorts. My sister Hazel and I text message each other every day just to check in. We blether on the phone often, and its never a short phone call. My friend, Jen, we met on the first day at university in Edinburgh when we were both 18. We’ve been firm friends since. We chat every Friday morning at length. I so enjoy these calls and have to admit they help keep me sane.
The last year for me has been difficult I won’t deny it. I have been over the threshold approximately half a dozen times and most of those occasions have been sheer necessity. I so miss being able to ask Steve to drive me over to visit my Dad. I miss going to my support meetings with The Ann Edgar Trust; so miss seeing the friends I’ve made and the support I get out of going. So for now I’m still content with my calls and other means of communications. My daily WhatsApp messages from Louise lets me know I have a loving caring friend, Stephen cracks me up with his comical wit on WhatsApp, he sends me not only messages to ask how we are doing but jokes, photos to make me laugh; he arranges online quizzes that we take part in on zoom. Lindsay Lou messages me with photos of the kids and tales, I so miss seeing them, suddenly Glasgow feels like the other side of the world.
I’m sure you have been affected this passed year in some way. Whether its physically or mentally, we have all been touched one way or another. Family and friends are important, keeping that line of contact is much more beneficial to some than others. What I have taken from this year is, yes it has been trying, but we have to remember restrictions are put in place for our own good and to save lives. During this pandemic a great deal of people have been diagnosed with this awful virus and sadly numerous folks around the world have died from it. Receiving messages, seeing familiar faces on my silver screen, receiving cards from my sister regularly by post, chatting on the phone, sharing news or a problem or five. I realise how lucky I am to know I am loved and cared for. Next time you pick up your phone to look up your social media pages or online shop, why don’t you give your family or friend a text or better still a phone call. It is so lovely to hear a friendly voice, share a chat; find out whats been going on in YOUR family/friend’s life. If you are going to do something nice today and think of others; do a good turn, please don’t say you don’t have time, life is good and far too short. Share something nice that happened today with someone. Please Pick up the phone – Its good to talk
