Tag: emotions

Turn that frown upside down

by Lizbeth, posted in Uncategorized

I would like to introduce a young lady who lives in Midlothian, Scotland. At present she works in an office however dreams of one day working full time in the writing world. Whilst chatting to Beth Merry I can feel her frustration and want to break out and get those fingers tapping the keys and tell the world all she has to say. Although Beth writes her own blog https://bethanybloggswriter.wordpress.com I suggested she write a guest blog for my site. Since my site is smile each and every day. I gave her the topic “smile everyday”. This was the heartfelt article I got back from Beth. Its about one of the hardest times in her life when she found it difficult to smile, whilst she was surrounded by sunshine, all that energy and heat failed to warm her heart and make her happy. Despite the rays from the big yellow sun and the beautiful blue sky Beth felt cold and alone and at many times incapable of smiling and having that warm butterfly feeling of comfort inside you when you know you are safe, loved and belong. Would she ever feel like this again, and be able to turn that frown upside down. I hope you enjoy it.

Why 2020 is Better than 2016 to Me

Before 2020, there was another year that as a society collectively decided was – to put frankly – absolutely awful. 2016 saw many beloved celebrity deaths, worldwide panic over the election in America, terror attacks seemingly around every corner, and plenty of other horrors that left the world pausing to catch its breath on the 31 December that year and crossing every finger and toe that 2017 would be kinder.

For me, 2016 was particularly awful because both my mum and my grandad sadly passed away, and I had to pull on my grown-up pants at 19 years old and pretend I was strong. It was one of the hardest years of my life; and now with 2020 being deemed an even worse year due to the pandemic, I’ve had time to do some reflecting on how much has changed.

Moana Beach, Adelaide, Australia

In 2016, I was living in Australia. My family had emigrated when I was 10, and while the first couple of years I had enjoyed, the shine eventually wore off and I found myself desperate to make my way back to the UK, back to my home. I felt increasingly out of place at all times, and desperate to tell people that I didn’t belong – the fact that I had absorbed the accent almost immediately did little to persuade folk. As the next of kin for my mum who passed away in June, I was left in charge of putting her affairs in order for myself and my younger sister which meant a lot of phone calls I didn’t know how to make and, more importantly, arranging a funeral. I grew up a lot that year – and fast. I was still studying, still working two jobs and getting over a lot of heartbreak. It felt like things would never improve.

Seafood Rise, Adelaide, Australia

Fast forward to 2020. As I write this, I’m sat in my house in the Scottish countryside that my partner and I bought together nearly 9 months ago. He’s putting together some units to complete the massive desk he’s constructed for our home office, and I’ve got a stew bubbling away on the stove. I’ve had an uneventful day at work – Sat at my dining room table lockdown style of course – stretching my writing muscles now. Saturday was my birthday, and I had a quiet barbecue in our newly landscaped back garden with some family, and on Sunday my partner and I ventured out to Gore Glen to finally see the beautiful waterfall and connect with nature. I can breathe fairly easy these days and my worries are far less significant than those of 2016

Gore Glen, Midlothian, Scotland

I never could have predicted that in 4 years time I’d be in the space to feel this content. In a time where my world was crumbling around me, I pushed through to venture by myself to the other side of the world where the love of my life and I have made a life together for ourselves. Coronavirus be damned – the opportunity to look back at the last 4 years and see how far I’ve come make all the lockdown restrictions worth it.

These days, I smile everyday because while there are still a few things beyond my reach. I’m a damn sight further ahead than where I was in 2016.and there’s so much to be grateful for! I’m home in the UK where I belong, I wake up everyday to my amazing partner and the views over the Pentland, and I have room to grow at my own pace. What’s not to love?

Me, happy, home

Big boys do cry

by Lizbeth, posted in Emotions, Uncategorized

Being at home permanently since March 12th has certainly given me time to think.  There has been many a lonely hour to reminisce.  Its been lovely to look back and remember events that have gone by, places I’ve  have visited, people that have came into my life and made an impression; left their mark.

In my 54 years of life its been happy, eventful and surrounded by a great many beautiful caring characters.  From the moment I have been able to comprehend I was showered with love.  As I grew up I was always shown kindness,  the family philosophy was treat others as you would like treated yourself, I will never ask anyone to do something I wouldn’t do myself.  Yes these days as I am getting less able and I  will pay someone to clean, paint  or fix something  – I’m sure these tradesman appreciate the work.

Getting back to my time to think.  When I was sitting putting my feed on I was thinking about when part of my job included listening to people and their problems, how they were feeling.  I encouraged them to talk about their feelings.  Express exactly how they felt at that particular moment and how to deal with it.  I would gently persuade them to chat and through time just by talking they would soon realise what made them happy and what made them stressed and sad.  We would work on the positive aspects of their everyday living and help them get back to a happy place.   One thing that did happen to several people is that at some point during their journey was they would face an emotional encounter.  Regardless of their gender, age or size they would talk about whatever may be bothering them, or perhaps on the contrary what has made them very happy that day and then suddenly the voice would go quieter,  and that emotional encounter would take place; the real journey had begun and I would consider my work as continuing success…. Looking back at how a lot of us are feeling at the moment, frightened to show our emotions, a lot of people get told to be quiet, not talk about their feelings, not cry.  If they do cry many are met with Now come on, stop that crying, pull yourself  together.   Stacy Solomon on Loose Women was talking on ITV and said her mum used to vacuum when she was crying, to hide the fact that she was.  All very sad.  We need to be allowed to show our emotions.

I still remember one particular chap when I was working, he was your average build gent, and a father of three, he felt he was failing all round, his family, his work, his health, and most importantly himself.  Of course he wasn’t.  When he got to his emotional encounter he quietly sniffed away the tears and continued to talk, shortly afterwards he described blurry vision and tears threatened to spill from his eyes.  He wiped his eyes so much they were red and swollen. I handed him a handkerchief and said let the tears happen,  please don’t be embarrassed.   His lips trembled, an involuntary whimper escaped his lips as tears spilled over the sides of his eyes.  He looked over at me, his face shouting out help me and please listen.  His body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears.  The tears raced down his cheeks.  He cried for a few minutes.  When we discussed events he explained how relieved he felt and thanked me for getting him there.  We still had a way to go, however, the big lesson learnt was not to these suppress emotions;  and deal with them appropriately – the basic emotions are happiness, fear, surprise, sadness, anger and disgust.  The message from this experience I took was most definitely people gain from expressing their emotions, getting upset, talking about their problems; a problem shared.  Big boys do cry.

 

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I most certainly do know being home on my own and having this time to think I also have to to shed a tear and I have probably cried more in the last few weeks than I have done so for quite some time.  Although I do have to say my life is made so much better by those folks that message me and ask how I am, who give me a phone and have a natter.  Please drop an email or a text or give a quick call to your pal or your mum, brother or sister, etc.  I have noticed there are some folk that I only get texts if I send them one first, would I get one asking how I am if I didn’t send them one?  Perhaps I would, maybe I wouldn’t!!! But one thing I do know there are some folks in my address book that we send messages to each other regardless, sometimes I’m first, sometimes their first.  But one thing I do know we deeply care about each other and look out for one another.  You guys know who you are; I love you.

Emotions 😀😁😂☺️😘😈

by Lizbeth, posted in Emotions

Im so happy to be home.  I feel free from the clinical walls of the ward.  When I walked into our home on the Friday evening I really hoped to myself this would be it, I would be home now till out patient appointments.  Certainly no more in stay hospital visits for a while.  I missed my home life. Since October my abode was a hospital address – it felt like a lot longer and I am feeling like things in my life are slipping me by.  Life is hard enough for everyone.  When you have a chronic illness you learn to live your life as a different ‘normal’ but when you have a chronic illness and something else is thrown into the mix – such as I was in hospital for all those weeks, or worse still when I also was so ill with the damn infection I didn’t know what day of the week it was.  Life gets even more difficult and complicated.
As human beings we all have difficulties to deal with in everyday life,  and it’s all difficult in its own way.  And sometimes one problem can lead to another.   Steve and I had our sons in our early twenties,  we had to be careful with money when they were toddlers, however, we did our best and they always knew they were loved.  We learnt a lot from that period in our life.   Some people have relationship problems.  Others it’s their job.   I personally believe the biggest stress on a person, relationship or a family is illness.  It can put a terrible emotional stress on anyone at a moments notice.  It can cause such upset and anxiety.  Anger.  Financial stress.  The worst feeling in the world can creep up on you: loneliness.  

 

Who gets lonely when sickness strikes?  Whether I’m at home or in hospital I have people around me – it’s still possible to feel on your own when you are surrounded by others.  At times you just feel no one understands how you are feeling or what this damn disease does to you.  I may be talking to someone and they hear my voice but are they actually listening to what I’m saying.    Whilst I was in the hospital I missed my home and my family terribly .  Although everyone in the hospital is in the same boat –  at times you can feel rather isolated and alone.   For my hubby loneliness came in the form of actually physically being on his own.  The duration of my hospital stay.  Steve was at home on his own with the two Labradors.  His routine was taking care of himself, the dogs, the business, and running back and forth to the hospital to see me.  He never felt he had enough hours in the day.  He never once complained about being tired but you only had to glance at him to see he was exhausted.   As he walked into the ward in a sluggish manner rather than his long confident strides, he had dark circles under his blood shot eyes. And as we discussed our day’s events he yawned several times through the conversation; quite unlike Steve, who is always usually full of beans and ready to take the lead.  After visiting at 8pm Steve would leave the hospital with my washing and head for home.  There would be plenty to keep him occupied.  Something on TV, house chores, the dogs, paperwork, returning the answer machine messages.  Steve would text me as soon as he got home,  quite often we would send each other several messages back and forth and chat as if we were in the same room,  one evening Steve video called me whilst I was in the hospital , it was great whilst I was in my hospital bed  I was also in my front room. Watching my dogs reaction as they heard me call their names was fantastic.  Steve and I are used to doing most things together.  So the reality of it is when Steve came home from the visiting he did all the necessary – but longed for it not to be needed.  And me to be home.  He said the old cottage was quiet and empty,  and despite him having so much to do he was bored.  Steve sent me a text one evening and in part of the contents was the words  the house is lonely, cold and quiet without you……..I miss you.   These words helped me get better quicker.  They made me feel wanted and I knew exactly how he was feeling.

The knock on effect of illness is huge –

well meaning people get in touch to ask how everything is.  Which is lovely, however, sometimes the added pressure of calls and texts can take its toll, other times they are just what you need.

Financially:  I could go on forever – extra trips to hospitals, parking, fuel, Washing, time of work – or no work at all.  Need I go on.

Upset and anxiety.  There are days you just want to cry, everything and anything you feel or say is wrong  for that moment.  That day you can’t  put your foot over the doorstep.

Anger.  😁

 


I feel I’ve been fortunate I’ve never been too angry.  Always tried to turn a negative into a positive.   And thankfully anxiety is not something that has got a hold of me.  I take every day as it comes and what comes with it.   I have learned to treasure what I have in life.  Be grateful for all the good things I do have, and believe me there are many good and happy events surrounding me.   Sure I can’t do everything I used to be able to do.  And certainly I don’t move around as quick as I once did.  I have adjusted my lifestyle accordingly.  What we used to do in a day perhaps takes us a week.  The outing, the trip to the shops and the visit to friends was once done in one day now I have to do things in stages and they will be spread over three days with a day or two in between for a rest day.    My pace of life has altered accordingly  – slowed down considerably.  Steve and I have wonderful Sunday afternoons together. And evenings by the fire chatting.  We take time for each other and converse.  And it’s wonderful, I love it.  ❤️❤️.   We perhaps now see things, do activities and sit and talk like we would never have imagined.  So while it can be lonely and stressful there are still many plus points.   For me I can honestly say that after all these years my hubby and I still really do love each other.  We have two sons, we love very much and we are grandparents .  My thoughts – life is for living and enjoying.  Sure it can be hard.  But isn’t it difficult for everybody at sometime.  I believe if something is worth having it is worth fighting for – such is life.