Turn that frown upside down

I would like to introduce a young lady who lives in Midlothian, Scotland. At present she works in an office however dreams of one day working full time in the writing world. Whilst chatting to Beth Merry I can feel her frustration and want to break out and get those fingers tapping the keys and tell the world all she has to say. Although Beth writes her own blog https://bethanybloggswriter.wordpress.com I suggested she write a guest blog for my site. Since my site is smile each and every day. I gave her the topic “smile everyday”. This was the heartfelt article I got back from Beth. Its about one of the hardest times in her life when she found it difficult to smile, whilst she was surrounded by sunshine, all that energy and heat failed to warm her heart and make her happy. Despite the rays from the big yellow sun and the beautiful blue sky Beth felt cold and alone and at many times incapable of smiling and having that warm butterfly feeling of comfort inside you when you know you are safe, loved and belong. Would she ever feel like this again, and be able to turn that frown upside down. I hope you enjoy it.

Why 2020 is Better than 2016 to Me

Before 2020, there was another year that as a society collectively decided was – to put frankly – absolutely awful. 2016 saw many beloved celebrity deaths, worldwide panic over the election in America, terror attacks seemingly around every corner, and plenty of other horrors that left the world pausing to catch its breath on the 31 December that year and crossing every finger and toe that 2017 would be kinder.

For me, 2016 was particularly awful because both my mum and my grandad sadly passed away, and I had to pull on my grown-up pants at 19 years old and pretend I was strong. It was one of the hardest years of my life; and now with 2020 being deemed an even worse year due to the pandemic, I’ve had time to do some reflecting on how much has changed.

Moana Beach, Adelaide, Australia

In 2016, I was living in Australia. My family had emigrated when I was 10, and while the first couple of years I had enjoyed, the shine eventually wore off and I found myself desperate to make my way back to the UK, back to my home. I felt increasingly out of place at all times, and desperate to tell people that I didn’t belong – the fact that I had absorbed the accent almost immediately did little to persuade folk. As the next of kin for my mum who passed away in June, I was left in charge of putting her affairs in order for myself and my younger sister which meant a lot of phone calls I didn’t know how to make and, more importantly, arranging a funeral. I grew up a lot that year – and fast. I was still studying, still working two jobs and getting over a lot of heartbreak. It felt like things would never improve.

Seafood Rise, Adelaide, Australia

Fast forward to 2020. As I write this, I’m sat in my house in the Scottish countryside that my partner and I bought together nearly 9 months ago. He’s putting together some units to complete the massive desk he’s constructed for our home office, and I’ve got a stew bubbling away on the stove. I’ve had an uneventful day at work – Sat at my dining room table lockdown style of course – stretching my writing muscles now. Saturday was my birthday, and I had a quiet barbecue in our newly landscaped back garden with some family, and on Sunday my partner and I ventured out to Gore Glen to finally see the beautiful waterfall and connect with nature. I can breathe fairly easy these days and my worries are far less significant than those of 2016

Gore Glen, Midlothian, Scotland

I never could have predicted that in 4 years time I’d be in the space to feel this content. In a time where my world was crumbling around me, I pushed through to venture by myself to the other side of the world where the love of my life and I have made a life together for ourselves. Coronavirus be damned – the opportunity to look back at the last 4 years and see how far I’ve come make all the lockdown restrictions worth it.

These days, I smile everyday because while there are still a few things beyond my reach. I’m a damn sight further ahead than where I was in 2016.and there’s so much to be grateful for! I’m home in the UK where I belong, I wake up everyday to my amazing partner and the views over the Pentland, and I have room to grow at my own pace. What’s not to love?

Me, happy, home

Farewell to a courageous brave friend

When Pamela Ter Gast and I made friends on Facebook four years ago.  Little did I know such a strong friendship would develop.  And just how much we have in common.    Our friendship began with a shared interest of neuroendocrine tumours.  Our chatting very soon veered to a personal level.lkkkkk  Pam, Dutch born now living in USA with her beloved Boo, has two kids – like me.   Only I have two lads, Pam has one of each; a girl and a boy.    We hooked up with two other Dutch zebras: Beth and Didi.  The four of us formed a close bond; sharing stories, we laughed and cried together.   We call ourselves the musketeers.   Of course we are alternative musketeers – Pam: Winnie The Pooh, Beth: Piglet,  Didi: Eyore and little old me:Tigger.

  

Pam was a very gutsy lady who I admired greatly.  You could always rely on Pammy to make you feel better.  When times were tough for any of us we would take a virtual travel together.  We posted our travels on social media and many people actually thought we were actually away to beautiful sandy beaches, climbing mountains, visiting castles and distant shores.  Now that would have been a treat 😉.  
This beautiful lady showered her kindness and picked me up on days I felt  pdown.  She always had an uncanny knack of knowing without asking……and offering that shoulder.   Pam did not stop at friending me.  She would drop messages to the men in my life.  When my mum passed away she was fab and sent messages to the boys, when Tony had meningitis she sent him a few messages asking how he was.  And on one ocassion when I hadn’t posted on Facebook  for a few days she sent Steve a message saying she was worried she hadn’t heard from me and asking if everything was ok.  As friends we sent each other photos, pictures, etc.  some would be funny cartoons to make us laugh others would be photos of landscapes or flowers.
This is a photo Beth took in Holland and sent to Pam.  She loved it.

  


Beautiful Pam with the infectious smile.  Always looking on the bright side of life.   Sharing a conversation brightened my day.  



  
Pam wanted to raise awareness of neuroendocrine cancer.  And whilst she bravely fought her own battle, she took time out to educate the public.  Giving talks, posting on you tube, etc.  Ever so proud of you Pam. 💕. 

Pam posted a video on YouTube:

A beautiful obituary in The Telegram 

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/telegram/obituary.aspx?n=pamela-ter-gast&pid=180298509&eid=sp_shareobit
I will miss my conversations with Pam.  Her friendship was so valuable to me. She will always hold a special place in my heart.    When Pam said to me she knew how I was feeling, yes I knew she really did know how i was feeling.  There was no bullshit from this lady.   I feel priveliged to say she was my friend.    Pammy you touched so many people: your loss is being felt world wide tonight.

We exchanged many pictures, photos, etc.  This is one that Pam posted on my Facebook page.  Rather apt, don’t you think?