From as long as I can remember my parents encouraged me to listen to others and always speak up to others and tell the truth no matter what has gone on. I have always taken this with me, passed this on to my children; said to them whatever has happened just tell me and we will deal with it. This has I believe gave us a trustworthy bond between parent and child no matter what their age. My lads are in their 30’s and we still talk, I trust them and they trust me. Growing up I knew I could go to my parents and talk to them about anything and everything, I always knew whatever I said to my Mum or Dad it would go no further. They were full of fabulous advice, helped me transform from teenager to adult. Who do I talk to now? I chat to a couple of friends about everything and anything, one in particular we know we can discuss ‘our laundry’ with each other. However, my ultimate bounce off and discussion partner is my hubby Steve, we are partners in life, super friends, chat about all and sundry and most importantly there is that Element of Trust
So what is trust? I believe it is when someone can be relied on. Their honesty and integrity shines through. If I trust someone it means I believe they are who they say they are and they will always do what they say they will do. Most importantly what comes out of their mouth or from their written hand is the truth. They will not lie to me.
I pride myself in having a fabulous circle of friends, a beautiful family and most certainly a very close knit few that I value and trust with my life. Recently I have been disappointed with acquaintances. When I got told a lie from someone I actually never thought I would. That kick in the shins fairly knocked the stuffing out of me for several reasons………
There have been people in my life recently that have been irritable, non trustworthy, tit tattling to other people. These reprobates aren’t worth worrying about.
Building up trust: has not always made me popular but I’m a believer in say what you mean and mean what you say. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Remember the role of respect.
I have counted my blessings. Enjoyed being with friends and family. And relished that special time with my most loyal trustworthy labradors, Buddy and Bella; now they could teach a few humans a thing or two.
So for me, trust is important, especially in building up relationships. For those who know me, I’m a very happy honest human who enjoys life. Every day is precious and I am continuing to enjoy life with my beautiful family. On Saturday Steve took time from his busy business we spent a precious day together, Steve did a wonderful job gardening, Bella watching every step. Sunday we both took an amazing trip on Fattie our Harley-Davidson® to Moffat, St Mary’s Loch and Peebles with some friends. Sunday; beautiful scenery, lovely weather and great friends; a fabulous recipe for an amazing day out. Just the tonic to end the week.
For many 2020 has been a difficult year, and certainly for most a memorable one; it has been a year like no other I have known. My hubby and I spent Hogmanay at home on our own. Just the two of us with our beautiful Labradors. This was the first time ever we have been alone to bring in the year and say Hello 2021.
I must say although very different from our usual ceilidh, our last night of the year was a fun packed one. We took part in a family and friends Zoom quiz. Stephen organised it. A busy young Dad with three kids; Stephen and son Louis were quiz masters. We had participants from near and far. Laughing, joking and talking was definitely allowed. We didn’t come first in the quiz but did not disgrace ourselves. Looking forward to the next one.
We are one week in to the new year. Eventful already.
The balloon on my gastrostomy tube burst on Hogmanay. Wonderful efficient staff, it was changed immediately. Six days later the tube was loose, my dressing was drenched. My ever dedicated medics attended to me, yes the balloon on the just short of one week old tube had exploded once again. Nicola changed my tube and then gave me my octreotide injection. This was then a day for complete rest.
To be honest despite the feeling unwell, and the pain. I have enjoyed being home. Sitting by the open fire with my beautiful labradors. Writing and editing. We are in a second lockdown. Yes, it’s a worrying time and I so miss being able to go see my Dad. Strange times my family and friends not coming to my house for a visit. We have to remember these restrictions have been put in place for our own good, to prevent infection from spreading and a big plus point is that we have a vaccine that is getting rolled out to the general public. It will take a while but as time allows we will be able to go out more, visit and one day in the future live a “normal life”.
For some life has been more challenging. It may be they are a key worker and things are getting tough. The usual “go to” place has gone, and talking with others feels trivial. Please try and remember this when someone is looking a little more weary than normal, or talking less than usual, ask how they are – it goes a long way. When a person says they are fine, it doesn’t mean they are doing well.
During this lockdown children at present have to stay home and get home schooled. For many families this works well. But for some life is hard. In many homes there are more computers, laptops, tablets than human beings in the house. In other homes there is one unit in the home or perhaps none at all. When the children are home schooling they get work from their teachers, there are programs on television. The internet plays a vital part in a child’s education. Hence the importance of a piece of equipment to get on the World Wide Web. It’s heartbreaking to think that in this day and age of digital technology that some families lack that availability in their own homes. If you have a laptop, computer, iPad, tablet that’s surplus to requirements please think about handing it in for someone else to use. There is always someone in your area that can use it. You can find out more about recycling your products Here
Whilst the restrictions carry on I will continue with my Content Writing and Editing work. I am so lucky that I enjoy doing it. Photography is my passion. For the time being I am pleased enough with taking photographs in our garden, snapping images of things in the house, pointing and shooting my beloved Nikon at my Labradors, I think they feel like fashion models. Although my husband’s Harley is a great bike for taking photos of. Today was a grand day. I sat at my desk in front of my computer, did work on a newsletter. Then took some photos of a little visitor out our back garden. I’m sure he will be a regular visitor. A beautiful little Robin.
As the days are getting shorter, temperature is dropping and the amount of ideal biking days for someone like me are few and far between. I find myself having more time to sit by our beautiful open fire and being grateful that I can reflect on events over the last few months. And hopefully look forward to what the world has in store for us all as the shortest day of the year will soon be here and then the days get longer, we have a vaccine thats getting rolled out for Covid. Since April I have only been out of the house for essential visits, such as the hospital. In total, I have been out of the house a total of 9 times since April. When the restrictions were relaxed I went out with with hubby and some friends from The Dunedin Chapter, under strict social distance for a Harley-Davidson® bike ride. At the beginning of September I took the position of Editor with The Dunedin Chapter, I so enjoy writing about the motorcycles, events, editing members articles, etc. Despite the fact I love being on the Harley-Davidson® I have got to admit I have benefited from having quiet time, time for me and certainly endured More writing and less riding.
The last few months have been fairly stressful health wise. Lavita – my gastrostomy tube has been playing up. I was in utter agony with my last change. The lump on my shoulder is giving me some grief and the pain in my humerus at times is unbearable. I remember 24 years ago I was at nuclear medicine with my Dad, he wasn’t feeling well at all, and he the pain he had was eleven out of ten. The consultant said to him I can clearly see you are in a lot of pain, however you are not complaining. My Dad said to him, I just close my eyes and take myself on a journey, close out the world and try and dream it all away. It doesn’t take it all away but it helps, my Dad told him. I took this with me that day. On the days I feel I can no longer cope, I think of my Dad and his journey.
While I am on my mind journey I can relax, take time to myself. I can think about what may be in the spring. Hoping to get out on our Harley. Have the boards put on the back for my little feet for comfort for those longer rides. Get the Nikon out and take some photos of our beautiful country. As usual the medics have been looking after me; appointments that cannot be met in person have been on the telephone or video call. So I am fairly confident as and when the weather breaks and getting out and about restriction levels allow us to travel around safely I will be able to ride pillion with my hubby.
The one benefit of being at home is I have been able to write a lot more. I find pleasure in writing for myself and other companies and organisations. Working as Editor for The Dunedin Chapter Scotland HOG® #9083 I have just completed my first quarterly Newsletter. I have been humbled at the amount of caring messages from members. Lovely emails and texts saying what a great Newsletter, so kind. Working on Newsletter was hard work, working to deadlines, fitting around others, editing folks work; taking out some parts that I know they would really want in but know that I was tight for space – all in a days work for the Editor. Yes there was lots to do, it took many hours, a lot of the time it was at an hour I haven’t been used to tapping my fingers on the keyboard on my beloved Apple. However when its a subject you are passionate about, the folks sending in articles are lovely and most importantly the team you are working alongside are supportive. It makes me feel proud to be party of a warm and friendly happy Harley Family.
A couple of years ago when my granddaughter then 2 had her first playdate at our house with my very close friend, Danielle’s daughter, Ella both girls played and had fun like all toddlers do. However as young as Alexandra was at the time she was caring and compassionate enough to notice that Ella was different from her. Ella is deaf, she has cochlear implants. Little did I know this first playdate would lead to us Sponsoring a hearing dog.
The girls at that young age played in the sitting room with toys and formed a bond. Two years later they are running up and down my hall laughing and shouting with dolls in their hands. When Ella left with her mum and dad Alexandra asked me about Danielle and us being friends. I told her we have been friends for a very long time, and told her you look after each other no matter what when you are good friends. I told her Danielle sends me messages and phones me to ask how I am. She visits. We all have fun, and now brings Ella to come see her. We spoke about Ella’s deafness, she said it must be horrible not being able to hear everything all the time Granny I am so sad for her. I told her not to be sad and look at how happy Ella is with her family and when she plays at ours. I think this helped.
It was raining on a Saturday afternoon and Alexandra was visiting with her Dad. She likes to be like Granny and type a story on the laptop. I had been on social media just prior to her going to use my laptop. She takes a seat beside me, she patiently waits till I close my pages. On the timeline of my facebook page there was an advertisement for Hearing Dogs for Deaf People. Oh look Granny, a Labrador like yours, but its black, says Alexandra. This stops me in my tracks. I look at what she is noticing. I close the page and let her type away.
Later that evening I go on the site Hearing Dogs for Deaf People and sponsor the black Labrador Winnie. This money will go towards training the puppy and will help change a deaf person’s life.
Alexandra now has a beautiful little cuddly pup with the familiar maroon jacket on. As soon as she opened the box she looked at all the paperwork quickly, lovely photos Granny. She quickly takes out the cuddly dog, runs along the hall and comes back with a stethoscope we need to check this puppy over. She loves the idea of having a notebook book and pen, so like my Mother. The certificate and postcards are brilliant. Alexandra has already looked up the website and seen other photos of Winnie and progression videos, her out walking, etc. It’s fantastic. Helping the charity, putting a good dog to work and most importantly helping someone who needs it – match them up with a dog and giving them valuable lifelines at times, for example Winnie will alert her new owner if the smoke alarm is going off, if there is a sound coming from the baby monitor.
I know how much I value my labradors. My lad, Buddy knows when my cancer is misbehaving. When my blood sugar has dropped too low. If my heart rate is wonky. Carries my feed items. Bella the companion Labrador, she is a treat to have, carries clothes to washing machine. Carries items along our 40 foot hall. Some days it can be a long walk for me.
If you have ever thought about sponsoring a dog I can highly recommend it. As someone who depends on a dog I know how valuable they are. I also live with a hubby that has issues with his eyes. He has had 10 surgeries to his eyes for detachment to his retina. He really is extraordinary. He pushes himself. Tries hard, still works, has a wonderful vision in life.
Several months in since Covid first hit us. Our way of life has changed and we have began to look for a new normal. Living life at a different pace. Shopping, working, educating; finding a way that works for us to go about our business safely and hopefully happy. Social distancing – meeting with others safely. Trying our best to get that balance of seeing others, getting out in the outdoors but making sure that we are safe at the same time. We live in the country in our delightful detached cottage, no neighbours, not a street light on our little single track road, not even a cats eye. However, what we have noticed is an increase in people walking passed the house. Obviously they must be taking their daily exercise and what a lovely place to do it. There has been a lot of awful news since covid hit the headlines. Since the middle of March and the big lockdown happened, I feel there has been a lot of heartache and we have had many sad and tragic events to deal with. Couple of weeks into September and I got a message which made me smile from ear to ear, it was to let Auntie Lizzie know that 10 year old Louis Bagged his first munro.
I was beaming, a very proud great auntie. Louis had climbed Ben Chonzie with his Dad Stephen. Lindsay, my niece, and Stephen are fabulous parents. Okay I am biased, but they are. The three children all have handled the situation with coronavirus very well, they very much missed school and the youngest one Patrick started primary one and eldest Sophie started high school. Big year. For some time they could not attend church and that was another blow to the family. Louis is my son, Tony’s God son. All three children normally attend some sort of activities. Louis in particular loves to go to the football and support Celtic with his Grandad and Dad, he enjoys boxing and training at the local club. All this has been taken away. Lindsay and Stephen have not been down trodden. I have been sent the funniest videos. They have set up assault courses in their garden. The children ran round the course and one of the parents would set the stop watch. Their dog Lubo would join in. Fantastic family fun, while gaining exercise, stopping the boredom and learning a few things at the same time – pulse rate, etc. The children soon got the exercise bug and they began family walks, cycles and adventures. Until one day Stephen asked Louis if he would like to train to climb a munro. He explained what a munro was. He told him that a munro is a mountain that is over 3000 foot tall and that there are 282 across Scotland. They decided to attempt to climb Ben Chonzie together. Which they did. They took the dog, had an amazing day. I am so proud of Louis, to climb a munro is difficult, it takes stamina, this young chap was 10 years of age when he bagged his first munro.
And so the munro bagging continued. My son Stuart and fiancé Laura climbed Ben Chonzie. They had a wonderful time, it was unusual for them to be without the children and only have Hudson, the fox red Labrador with them. You can normally see them out cycling the bikes with the children in tow. Or all of them walking in the forrest all set for an adventure. How I love to get FaceTime calls telling me of the adventures they have had cycling along the forrest track or taking the dog a walk. So young and full of energy. I’m sure when 4 year old Alexandra’s legs are up to it she will be mad keen to get up a Scottish mountain. Get the camera out and take the most superb photographs of our beautiful country and amazing scenery.
A wee bit about Ben Chonzie. Gaelic name Beinn a’ Choinnich – meaning mossy mountain. Situated near Crieff in Perthshire. The great Scottish solitary mountain reaches a height of 3054 feet and rises between Strathearn and Loch Tay. Its a super first climb with a fairly straight forward heather clad route of 9 miles, which tends not to be steep but with rather more moderate inclines and leads to beautiful open country, which is ideal for this current situation when we are needing to social distance. Plenty of space for everyone, even the dogs.
All this talking of climbing has taken me back to pre neuroendocrine cancer days. Life before carcinoid syndrome and days with super duper energy when running up a mountain was Childs play. In the year of 2000 my husband Steve, my brother in law Alan, my sister Hazel (Louis’s gran) and quite a few of our friends were led up Ben Lawers by our friend Gordon Macleod. We raised quite a few quid for cancer charity that weekend. Great fun was had by all. It was the first May bank holiday weekend, I can remember sliding on the snow, what great fun we had. Lovely evening at the Kilin Hotel that night too, the Irish whisky after dinner I can recommend. https://www.killinhotel.com
After my appointment at The Western General Hospital in Edinburgh my hubby was patiently waiting for me. He picked me up in the convenient pick up drop off area outside the hospital. We usually go together, however do to Covid, I was restricted to going myself. We made our way out of the hospital grounds and got ready for our Drive through Edinburgh.
As we drove along Crew Road there were works getting done and the road was closed towards orchard brae forcing us to turn left. We made our way along the road and passed the police training college, saw a couple of dogs in the field and then passed Broughton High School, I had a memory of going to the old Broughton High for health promotion talks, and remember proudly going to the police college with Arthur, when he got a commendation award; what a lovely day that was.
Driving through Stockbridge. The sun was shining, there were hanging baskets flowering beautifully outside many of the elegant Victorian and Georgian houses. This bustling vibrant area on the water of Leith is filled with speciality and charity shops, and delightful cafes and pubs. I love Stockbridge; the new town is my favourite area of Edinburgh. If I lived in Auld Reekie this is the locality I would choose to live in.
Cruising along George Street I saw the changes that were happening over time. What establishments are still here, and what has ‘disappeared’ from the high street. The Standing Order was the first building that jumped out at me. All over the world there will be many well known financial institutions that are now coffee shops, or pubs or restaurants, somewhere for folk to sit and chat. Rest their weary bones and share a story or two along with a drink.
As I headed to Southside Edinburgh, I passed a block of flats that were on a corner site in Newington area. This site used to be a Ford Garage that my sister worked in the accounts department. My friend rented a bedsit on the main road when we were at university.
Gosh Helen finished up at the Garage over 40 years ago and Jennifer rented the bedsit in the mid 1980’s. Jennifer visited me yesterday I was telling her about my journey and reminiscing, we started chatting about her accommodation hunting when she came down from Calendar to study in Edinburgh…….
Jennifer and I met at uni, we became friends the first day of term and have been stuck with each other since. Jennifer came down from Calendar and needed accommodation, the uni gave her some recommendations. She came to my parents armed with this A4 piece of paper. We were going to the addresses. My brother Albert dropped us at the first place on the list, it was near the shopping centre, he would go shopping we would view the room. Oh my goodness; the room was ok, very basic, shared facilities which werent so nice, and the room mates were less desirable. So lets just say this place was a big fat no. We tried a few other places on the uni’s recommendation. Absolutely non suitable. My Mum brought out The Scotsman. https://www.scotsman.com We looked in it, there was an ad for a Letting company in Home Street, Edinburgh.
Off we went to Home Street. We walked in to this office with a white haired lady with 2 dogs surrounded with so much paperwork. I actually felt like I was going for a seance. I can tell you Jennifer and I felt frightened, why we didn’t know. The business was ‘real’, the staff were genuine, informative and very pleasant. And they had dogs, something I especially love. I think it was just the fact that the white haired lady was rather eccentric. The room had a creepy feel. However, the lady was very kind to us, she explained what properties she had on the books and what she thought was suitable. She explained locations and terms of payment etc. She thought the room at Newington would be suitable, told us there were already some young ladies in the building and the location is lovely. Big bonus, the landlord was a really nice man. We were sold. Sounded ideal for Jen.
We made our way from Tollcross to Newington. Met by a raven headed gentleman. True to her words. The whole property was in good condition. The bedsit on the ground floor had its own kitchen, it was ideal. No sharing, no messy dishes, etc. Jennifer decided to rent it. As friends it was ideal, not too far from uni and only about 3 miles from my parents house.
Many properties have changed hands over the years and places we have got comfortable going to are no longer there. However, many of these alterations are good news and society is reaping the benefits both socially and economically. As the saying goes out with the old and in with the new.
After a day of swithering whether I should accompany my hubby and some of our good friends from https:www.dunedinhog.com on a mates run. I hadn’t had the best of days, had to phone my medic team and get one of them to come in on an emergency. After only two weeks my gastrostomy tube had to get changed. Believe me it wasn’t a pleasant experience. I rested all afternoon then decided the company of good pals and some fresh air would do me the world of good. So at 5pm on the Friday evening I got myself into my bike gear all ready for a Harley Davidson run in The Scottish Borders.
My hubby Steve spoke to our chum Scott and put it to him “show us your ride” Steve and Scott messaged each other back and forth. Scott and his wife Shirley lead a scenic route. We met up with them in Galashiels. The drive from our place in Boggs Holdings, Pencaitland to Galashiels was a reminiscent one. We took the A6093 to the junction of the A68 and turned left, took the first right and headed towards Gorebridge, passed the entrance of Vogrie Country Park, my mind took me back to many walks I went on with my hubby, children and dogs, such happy times we had, I now hear lovely stories from my grandchildren when they have visited and played at the park and walked the dog. We made our way along the narrow twisty road towards Borthwick, passed Borthwick Castle, where Mary Queen of Scots sought sanctuary in June 1567 when she learned Scottish nobles planned to capture her. You can find out more about Borthwick Castle at https://www.borthwickcastle.com I was happy to drive pass our sons old primary school, Borthwick Primary which is now a private residence. We drove up the twisty steep incline to North Middleton.
From North Middleton we took the A7 and headed south. Our destination was to meet up with our group in Galashiels. The drive down was wonderful. We enjoyed a somewhat familiar drive, one we did regularly several years ago, what seems like in another lifetime. The scenery was beautiful, typical of Scottish countryside, as I looked ahead clouds rolling in the blue sky, many shades of green on the hillside; home to the happy skipping sheep, bleeting as we drove passed them. The river looked inviting as we drove by, I could have asked Steve to stop at the side of the road and took a paddle. As we drove down the A7 we rode through Falahill, Fountainhall, Torquhan, Stow, Torsconce, Buckholm and finally arriving at Galashiels.
For the hungry horace’s we met up in Macdonalds car park. For those who wanted could join an organised social distance queue for food or got to the loo. Whilst the others ate, went to the loo and blethered. I sat on the ground in the car park and caught my breath. I don’t mind admitting I was feeling a tad wobbly when I reached my milestone, Galashiels and I could have done with going home. The ride from ours to Gala was more than enough for my body on this particular day. However, my want and desire to finish the route, be out with our friends and enjoy the time on the fatboy outweighed how I was feeling. Despite feeling my heart beating so fast that I thought it was going to jump out of my shirt. And the worry that my blood sugar wouldn’t keep up all the way round despite having my gastrostomy tube running. My body ached. Feed checked, all sorted and feeling better. After the rest, I took photos of the others and their bikes. When we were ready we took the A7 and headed towards Hawick.
Scott took the lead with wife Shirley in her Harley Davidson behind him, both Borders folk made it ideal for them to choose the route. I was looking forward to this run. Will it live up to my expectations? I hope so…….
We drove 6 miles from Hawick, Scott took us to the picturesque village of Bonchester Bridge, lying on the Rule Water. Leaving the delightful village the route did not disappoint and the scenery just kept on giving as we headed over towards the A68 and rode to the border view point.
The Scotland England Border on the A68 is an excellent opportunity to stop, take a break and a wee photo. We all had a great time; even had time for The Vickie Green Challenge.
We stopped for a while at The Border View Point, giving us a good rest point as well as the opportunity to take photographs. Then had an enjoyable drive down to Jedburgh. Memories came flashing into my mind as we drove through. Passing the rugby ground, seeing the large posts, wonderful recollection of my son Stuart playing second row for Haddington. The sheer delight of Haddington under 16’s winning the cup. What a day that was. Such a great feeling standing at the sidelines cheering the team on, screaming at the top of your voice. Regardless of the weather, rain, hail or shine. Continuing our journey we made our way to St Boswells, turned right, opposite The Buccleuch Arms. Lead by Scott we climbed up a beautiful steep road with some unpredictable twists and turns. Drove a route with amazing trees, lush grass and beautiful plantation. We arrived at Scots View; one of the favourite views of not only Sir Walter Scott, but of my parents. Looking over the valley of the river tweed I could clearly see why. It is not only a beautiful view, it is calming and relaxing. I felt quite at one with myself soaking in the atmosphere. My parents took my sons Tony & Stuart and their cousins Lindsay & Robert here, as well as many other places. However, Scots View is particularly memorable not only for the view, but it was the day my son Tony fainted.
After spending time at Scots View we took the back road and headed to Lauder. Thereafter, our wonderful hosts, Scott and Shirley headed back to their home in Ancrum. The Edinburgh based folks headed towards auld reekie and Steve and I made our way to Pencaitland. We went straight down the A68 turned right signposted Haddington on the A6093, through Pencaitland till we reached our home in Boggs Holdings. Buddy and Bella were pleased to see us, as I was to see them. As much as I enjoyed the ride it was good to get my feet up. I had a beautiful evening with lovely people. It’s so nice to be tired for a reason. It’s good to meet up with others and see places I haven’t seen in a while, especially ones that provoke memories. Looking forward to the next run.
I would like to introduce a young lady who lives in Midlothian, Scotland. At present she works in an office however dreams of one day working full time in the writing world. Whilst chatting to Beth Merry I can feel her frustration and want to break out and get those fingers tapping the keys and tell the world all she has to say. Although Beth writes her own blog https://bethanybloggswriter.wordpress.com I suggested she write a guest blog for my site. Since my site is smile each and every day. I gave her the topic “smile everyday”. This was the heartfelt article I got back from Beth. Its about one of the hardest times in her life when she found it difficult to smile, whilst she was surrounded by sunshine, all that energy and heat failed to warm her heart and make her happy. Despite the rays from the big yellow sun and the beautiful blue sky Beth felt cold and alone and at many times incapable of smiling and having that warm butterfly feeling of comfort inside you when you know you are safe, loved and belong. Would she ever feel like this again, and be able to turn that frown upside down. I hope you enjoy it.
Why 2020 is Better than 2016 to Me
Before 2020, there was another year that as a society collectively decided was – to put frankly – absolutely awful. 2016 saw many beloved celebrity deaths, worldwide panic over the election in America, terror attacks seemingly around every corner, and plenty of other horrors that left the world pausing to catch its breath on the 31 December that year and crossing every finger and toe that 2017 would be kinder.
For me, 2016 was particularly awful because both my mum and my grandad sadly passed away, and I had to pull on my grown-up pants at 19 years old and pretend I was strong. It was one of the hardest years of my life; and now with 2020 being deemed an even worse year due to the pandemic, I’ve had time to do some reflecting on how much has changed.
In 2016, I was living in Australia. My family had emigrated when I was 10, and while the first couple of years I had enjoyed, the shine eventually wore off and I found myself desperate to make my way back to the UK, back to my home. I felt increasingly out of place at all times, and desperate to tell people that I didn’t belong – the fact that I had absorbed the accent almost immediately did little to persuade folk. As the next of kin for my mum who passed away in June, I was left in charge of putting her affairs in order for myself and my younger sister which meant a lot of phone calls I didn’t know how to make and, more importantly, arranging a funeral. I grew up a lot that year – and fast. I was still studying, still working two jobs and getting over a lot of heartbreak. It felt like things would never improve.
Fast forward to 2020. As I write this, I’m sat in my house in the Scottish countryside that my partner and I bought together nearly 9 months ago. He’s putting together some units to complete the massive desk he’s constructed for our home office, and I’ve got a stew bubbling away on the stove. I’ve had an uneventful day at work – Sat at my dining room table lockdown style of course – stretching my writing muscles now. Saturday was my birthday, and I had a quiet barbecue in our newly landscaped back garden with some family, and on Sunday my partner and I ventured out to Gore Glen to finally see the beautiful waterfall and connect with nature. I can breathe fairly easy these days and my worries are far less significant than those of 2016
I never could have predicted that in 4 years time I’d be in the space to feel this content. In a time where my world was crumbling around me, I pushed through to venture by myself to the other side of the world where the love of my life and I have made a life together for ourselves. Coronavirus be damned – the opportunity to look back at the last 4 years and see how far I’ve come make all the lockdown restrictions worth it.
These days, I smile everyday because while there are still a few things beyond my reach. I’m a damn sight further ahead than where I was in 2016.and there’s so much to be grateful for! I’m home in the UK where I belong, I wake up everyday to my amazing partner and the views over the Pentland, and I have room to grow at my own pace. What’s not to love?
As we all know and expected this Easter Weekend is somewhat very different. With most of us being in isolation and being asked to stay at home. I expected to feel lonely and miss the activities that I had been expecting to do and the people I was looking forward to seeing. However, there were a few folk that did some very nice act of kindness towards myself, Steve and my labs which made me feel very special, loved and happy. Certainly not lonely at all.
Just before Good Friday, my nurse was in to service my gastrostomy tube and change my dressings. As well as check on my well being, and see how I am doing. As my nurse was leaving that day she left an Easter card for Steve and I and doggie treats for Buddy and Bella – all in a lovely Easter bag.
I got a special FaceTime from my 4 year old granddaughter Alexandra to let me know she had drawn pictures for us. She had done a special rainbow for our window and would post it through our door. Her dad sent a text of her holding the picture. I was so excited to get it. Words cant explain how much we miss seeing her, She usually visits every weekend and when you are used to seeing a grandchild on this regular timing, this lockdown period feels like lifetime. She is my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I was in hospital for 12 weeks with sepsis and hardly saw anyone however I felt poorly and had no sense of time on many days. This is different. However, with the technology we have and keeping a positive attitude we can get through this. Chatting on FaceTime and sharing what we have done throughout the day makes me smile, we laugh and sing, I just love my FaceTime time.
We have had a relaxing Easter weekend. Writing, gardening (for Steve) some tv and lovely quality time together with the labs. I was in the Wetroom putting on my creams when I heard Bella ‘friendly barking’ so I ignored her. Half an hour later I went through to the kitchen to put on my feed. As I reached for the pump I noticed my mobile phone had several notifications. As I sat down to read them, I noticed one was a message from Danielle.
Danielle has been my friend for at least 23 years. We have been through a lot together. I know if I message Danz and ask can you please come here she will come. I have been there for Danielle emotionally and I know she will be there for me. Again I am so grateful for technology so we can chat ad text. So what did the message say? It said. “I’ve left something at your front door xxxx”. What was left?
The most beautiful canvas, of course it is zebras. And cakes for uncle Steve. He will love them. Tonight I will light one of Natalie ’s candles and give her an extra special thought, not that she is ever far rom my mind.
A massive thank you to my special people this weekend, you are what keeps me going. You all know me and what makes me tick. Why, perhaps its because I love you guys let you into my heart and you know what makes me happy.
Why zebra? Neuroendocrine cancer is rare. Zebras are rare. When doctors are getting trained they are told
when you hear hoofbeats.
Look for horses not zebras
Many charities and people with net cancer adopt the zebra as their mascot.
My beautiful rainbow picture all coloured in. Up in my window showing with pride.
are continuing over the Easter weekend and well into the rest of April. Although I’m missing my visitors coming to the house I have been enjoying the FaceTime calls and many texts and emails I’ve been getting. The messages really keep me going and cheer me up.
So who do I see? Who was keeping me company. My only visitors are my nurses; they come to check on me, service my gastrostomy tube, change my dressings and administer my octreotide treatment every 14 days. I live with my hubby, and our two labradors, Buddy and Bella. Buddy is a great help he knows when my sugar level is low, or when my heart rate is playing up. Buddy and Bella are two beautiful labradors Buddy is a stunning fox red and Bella is a lovely little yellow lady. They are husband and wife; We have bred them together twice and had 21 babies. They are wonderful company, give the best cuddles. Im glad the dogs do give the best hugs at the moment, its a really weird time. Even my own home surroundings that are so familiar can feel very alien and so damn well lonely a lot of the time. I’m so pleased I’ve got my hubby and dogs at home and my regular face timers, phone callers and folks that text and email otherwise I would be feeling like if I didn’t die of Coronavirus I may die of a broken heart or loneliness.
One of our nurse’s has taken a shine to our labs and gave them an Easter present. They were chuffed.
The one thing the dogs and I love is listening to music in the kitchen. We just say Alexa play “a certain playlist” from Amazon Music . Bella is a dog that likes to sing, Buddy is a dog that likes to dance. They really are amusing and great company.
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