Felt like a teenager

Last Thursday after a horrid infection to blow the cobwebs away I went out with my Hubby and mates from The Dunedin Chapter Two Palaces and a Castle. You can find out about The Dunedin Chapter at Dunedin When we left Linlithgow we drove home a different route and lets say it didn’t go as smoothly as getting there; not that I minded mind you, looking back I Felt like a teenager.

Steve & I on The Fatboy

As we left Linlithgow we headed along the B9080 and made our way for Winchburgh, my the little place is growing. New houses popping up. As we were approaching Winchburgh I snuggled into Steve and rubbed his leg we drove passed beautiful newly built houses on a very dusty road. Steve slows down, realises he had gone too far and should have veered to the right at the new houses. All ten bikes turn round and head in the right direction………we make our way for Kirkliston. Lovely smooth drive till we get to the lights. Look up, familiar yellow sign with a black square, diversion, the road on the right was closed and we had to turn left. Making our journey longer. We headed down toward Queensferry. Then followed on till we got down to the A90. Where on earth did all the traffic come from?

The traffic queuing to go to Edinburgh was heavy. Steve took the lead with the others behind him. I stretched my head to the side in front of us was a trail of cars, vans, and lorries for as far as the eye could see. As we sat breathing in the fumes, listening to music from the cars, watching frustrated faces on the drivers of the four wheels I saw Stuart glide past us like a beautiful bird carefully weaving through the traffic. Next Colin manoeuvres and drives down the middle of the two rows of stationary vehicles and then in formation all us Harleys follow on. As Steve and I weave through the traffic I have amazing memories of being 17 and on the back of a sports bike, feeling the need to draw my knees in at every opportunity. I turned my head to the side and saw a young chap in a fiat 500 look at us, he smiled and waved. I lifted my hand and waved back, he had that look of envy. Sitting on the back of a bike, driving up the middle of two lanes of congested traffic; wow what a feeling. For some scary, for me utter bliss, I love it. I live in the country, our road is a single track road, not a cat eye in sight. No street lights, no orange glow of the city. And thats how we like to live. But the drama of feeling that you need to pull your knees in to pass a car, feel the rumble of the big trucks as you fly pass them. Made the traffic jam worth every moment.

Sitting in the traffic most certainly this day was better to be on 2 wheels that in 4.

If you want to give riding a motorcycle a go. Why not visit these pages. And then pop down to the shops and have a look and a chat. Ive been on bikes since I was 3. Honestly they are great fun and you meet wonderful folk and see fabulous places.

https://www.twowheels.co.uk/pages/learn-to-ride/motorcycle-training.htm

https://www.saltiremotorcycles.com/rider-training-edinburgh/

If you fancy a Harley Davidson. Look no further than your Scottish dealerships.

https://www.edinburghharley-davidson.co.uk

https://www.westcoastharley.com

A Glimpse of the Harley Davidsons that were on the trip

Two Palaces and a Castle

Well these last couple of weeks haven’t been the best. Yes the restrictions on lockdown are gradually easing and we are getting to meet up with others, most folks are being careful and abiding by covid regulations. For example, wearing face masks in shops, keeping a safe distance from others, washing hands, carrying hand sanitiser. I’ve not been feeling on top of the world. My nurse has been coming in and she has got to know me pretty well. One look at me and she knew there was something wrong. Two months ago I had the burst balloon in my gastrostomy tube and I felt that I hadn’t really gotten over it, the entire tube has been changed twice due to problems of it bursting in my tummy and extreme pain.

Last Wednesday I just wasn’t feeling good at all. Evelyn my district nurse came in to service my tube. She looked at me. Elizabeth she said, You are looking a shade of grey. How are you feeling? I pathetically winced and answered her back, Oh my, I feel absolutely shocking. In fact I feel like I have been kicked in the tummy by a horse. My solar plexus area was excruciating, everything and anything was an effort, to do the simplest task took maximum effort. Evelyn got down to business and attended to my tube. She could see that I was experiencing a lot of discharge from my stoma site. Time to change your tube again early…………

And so down to business instantly. Oh my goodness it was absolute agony, I could feel the saliva run down my gums, feel chest palpations banging in my ears; throb throb throb. The perspiration beads running down my head, I could feel my hair getting wetter. Finally the tube pulled out. It was gunky. Changed for another size 18 French tube. The gunky tube sent to the lab at the hospital. Skin covered with creams etc. Dressing on. In the afternoon the phone rang, it was the doctor, asking how I was, I told her how awful I felt. Antibiotics were prescribed. I need to get either IV antibiotic or antibiotics that get put into a syringe and put in my peg. I got a sledgehammer set of antibiotics and told to double my hydrocortisone replacement therapy. This medication for one week.

Following Wednesday I get my tube dressed and my octreotide injection; my two weekly expensive injection in the bottom. Not feeling on top of the world but feeling much better than last Wednesday.

Thursday my NET specialist telephoned me. We discussed how I’ve been. Long and short I’ve to get a CT scan and an echocardiogram. He is concerned since my last results were in the high region.

To blow the cobwebs away on Thursday evening I had a lovely trip as a pillion passenger on my husbands Harley Davidson Fat Boy Lo with some of our friends from The Dunedin Chapter. https://www.dunedinhog.com My hubby organised the mates run. It was a great wee run for a mid week trip in the evening – Two Palaces and a Castle.

Meeting up at The Gates of Holyrood Palace

We met at Holyrood Palace in Edinburgh. https://www.royal.uk/royal-residences-palace-holyroodhouse Holyrood Palace is situated at the bottom of the Royal Mile with a beautiful view of Arthurs Seat. It is the official residence of The British monarch in Scotland. The drive through the park towards the palace was beautiful. Arthurs seat the extinct volcano makes a stunning backdrop for many photograph. The loch has swans and ducks is attended by lots of keen visitors. Many folks choose to jog around the park and I can see why they want to run on this lush green grass. We wait at the gates of the Palace until all friends get together. Once we are all on board. Steve talks to everyone and lets them know what the route will be. Next stop will be……

Our capital city: we had a beautiful drive up through the park, round by the commonwealth pool and through some sights of the city. As we drove along George IV Bridge we passed Grey Friars Bobby, we turned left at the lights and up The Royal Mile. All ten harley davidson motrocycles drove carefully over the cobbled streets of Edinburgh and into the entrance of Edinburgh Castle. The sun was shining, the roar of ten bikes exhausts; music to my ears. As we drove through the entrance you could hear the vroom vroom echo. There were people up the castle enjoying the views over Edinburgh, as we entered they turned their heads and watch us come in. By the look on their faces you could see this was not an everyday occurrence for most of them.

After a stunning view of auld reekie from the castle and a quick presentation of a very small cake (one that fits in the day pannier of the Harley Davidson) to Hazel to say Happy 60th lockdown Birthday sister. We were on our travels again. We were heading to our destination. Fifteen miles west of Edinburgh, we were heading to Linlithgow. We took our way through the town, down the Mound, along Queen Street. Along Davidsons Mains heading to Barnton, on the outskirts of the city approaching the beautiful view of the forth. We took the A904 from Queensferry to Linlithgow. We found an excellent place to park. I sat at the benches and had a lovely chat with my friend Colin, whilst most walked down to an excellent fish and chip shop and got some tasty fish and chips; on location between Edinburgh and Glasgow the evening meal came with a choice of salt and sauce or salt and vinegar. Great food was had by all.

Found A Great Place To Park The Bikes And Rest In Linlithgow

You can look up Linlithgow Palace at https://www.historicenvironment.scot/visit-a-place/places/linlithgow-palace/

https://www.thecastlesofscotland.co.uk/the-best-castles/magnificent-ruins/linlithgow-palace/

Turn that frown upside down

I would like to introduce a young lady who lives in Midlothian, Scotland. At present she works in an office however dreams of one day working full time in the writing world. Whilst chatting to Beth Merry I can feel her frustration and want to break out and get those fingers tapping the keys and tell the world all she has to say. Although Beth writes her own blog https://bethanybloggswriter.wordpress.com I suggested she write a guest blog for my site. Since my site is smile each and every day. I gave her the topic “smile everyday”. This was the heartfelt article I got back from Beth. Its about one of the hardest times in her life when she found it difficult to smile, whilst she was surrounded by sunshine, all that energy and heat failed to warm her heart and make her happy. Despite the rays from the big yellow sun and the beautiful blue sky Beth felt cold and alone and at many times incapable of smiling and having that warm butterfly feeling of comfort inside you when you know you are safe, loved and belong. Would she ever feel like this again, and be able to turn that frown upside down. I hope you enjoy it.

Why 2020 is Better than 2016 to Me

Before 2020, there was another year that as a society collectively decided was – to put frankly – absolutely awful. 2016 saw many beloved celebrity deaths, worldwide panic over the election in America, terror attacks seemingly around every corner, and plenty of other horrors that left the world pausing to catch its breath on the 31 December that year and crossing every finger and toe that 2017 would be kinder.

For me, 2016 was particularly awful because both my mum and my grandad sadly passed away, and I had to pull on my grown-up pants at 19 years old and pretend I was strong. It was one of the hardest years of my life; and now with 2020 being deemed an even worse year due to the pandemic, I’ve had time to do some reflecting on how much has changed.

Moana Beach, Adelaide, Australia

In 2016, I was living in Australia. My family had emigrated when I was 10, and while the first couple of years I had enjoyed, the shine eventually wore off and I found myself desperate to make my way back to the UK, back to my home. I felt increasingly out of place at all times, and desperate to tell people that I didn’t belong – the fact that I had absorbed the accent almost immediately did little to persuade folk. As the next of kin for my mum who passed away in June, I was left in charge of putting her affairs in order for myself and my younger sister which meant a lot of phone calls I didn’t know how to make and, more importantly, arranging a funeral. I grew up a lot that year – and fast. I was still studying, still working two jobs and getting over a lot of heartbreak. It felt like things would never improve.

Seafood Rise, Adelaide, Australia

Fast forward to 2020. As I write this, I’m sat in my house in the Scottish countryside that my partner and I bought together nearly 9 months ago. He’s putting together some units to complete the massive desk he’s constructed for our home office, and I’ve got a stew bubbling away on the stove. I’ve had an uneventful day at work – Sat at my dining room table lockdown style of course – stretching my writing muscles now. Saturday was my birthday, and I had a quiet barbecue in our newly landscaped back garden with some family, and on Sunday my partner and I ventured out to Gore Glen to finally see the beautiful waterfall and connect with nature. I can breathe fairly easy these days and my worries are far less significant than those of 2016

Gore Glen, Midlothian, Scotland

I never could have predicted that in 4 years time I’d be in the space to feel this content. In a time where my world was crumbling around me, I pushed through to venture by myself to the other side of the world where the love of my life and I have made a life together for ourselves. Coronavirus be damned – the opportunity to look back at the last 4 years and see how far I’ve come make all the lockdown restrictions worth it.

These days, I smile everyday because while there are still a few things beyond my reach. I’m a damn sight further ahead than where I was in 2016.and there’s so much to be grateful for! I’m home in the UK where I belong, I wake up everyday to my amazing partner and the views over the Pentland, and I have room to grow at my own pace. What’s not to love?

Me, happy, home

It started with a puppy

Most of my regular readers with be familiar with Buddy and Bella my labradors. Buddy is my assistance dog, knows when I’m especially not too great, when the old sugar levels have taken a dip, he alerts me to take the appropriate action. He knows when the old ticker is playing up, the irregularity is a bit of a pain, sometimes the palpations are bangning through and I know that my heart rate is racing, however, when the blood pressure has dropped dangerously low, Buddy knows before anyone. Bella is his wife. And a great couple they are. My life is never been dull with my amazing beautiful fox red boy labrador Buddy and delightful loyal golden girl Bella.

The day I decided to breed them did not come lightly. Both my babies have great pedigrees. Exellent temperments and I had the confidence that they would produce fantastic puppies. However, there is always the worry – will my bitch be ok? how will the puppies be? The hard work it involves. I didnt want just to have the puppies and leave them in a room. I wanted them to be socialised, toilet trained, etc. Which would most definitely be a lot of hard work. Looking after my girl through pregnancy, sitting up with her during labour and helping look after the pups till good homes were found.

Soon Bella was pregnant, quickly she was a little barrel. We made her a breading box, gave her a room all to herself, so that when the pups were born, she would have peace and quiet. Time passed quickly and the pups were born. Dad was on hand, sat all the way through the labour. On the first of March 2015, 8 beautiful puppies were born.

This is the 8 Puppies

Bella & pups 1st March 2015

Eight healthy puppies looking for new homes. Ive got to admit I was apprehensive letting the puppies go. Leave us and stay with what to them would start of as strangers. As well as the folks phoning me asking questions, I asked them questions too. Good homes were imperitive. All prospective new owners came to view the pups, made a decision, had the opportunity to see them twice again before finally getting the pup at 8 weeks. One young lady that telephoned was called Sally. She already owned a labrador, a horse and lived with her Mum. Both of them worked, but it appeared that their work hours would suit perfectly.

First visit they were fair taken with the pups. They chose the lightest coloured pup, and told us his name would be Harley. Little did we know our friendship would grow into one of the best, all I can say is It started with a puppy

Harley & siblings having breakfast

This is Harley

Harley is three weeks old here

The weeks flew in that we had the puppies. Buddy and Bella’s romance grew. And the puppies soon went from mums breast to porridge to puppy feed. I socialised them a great deal. Let them run around the house. Our hall is very long they ran along it daily when they were able. They played with toys, got used to the noise of the vaccuum, washing machine, etc. Let them get used of children and people.

Bella and Buddy having a cuddle

Over the period of a week the puppies went to their new homes. When Harley went to his new home, his went to live with Sally and Marie. Sally worked at Edinburgh airport, two minutes from her home, The hours worked in great with her mums and Harley soon settled quickly with the resident labrador Cooper.

I am very fortunate that all my puppy owners have kept in touch with me and I know how they are doing and where they are. Harley is a very lucky boy. Harley grew up in a very loving environment with the company of the other dog to help him guide him on his way. He also had a great, firm however very loving and loyal owner in Sally.

The love and enjoyment Harley gave had a huge impact. It actually was the turning point in Sally’s life when she changed her journey. And started a whole new career. She started dog walking and dog day care. Her Mum Marie is very proud of her, its a big step moving on from employment to self employment; and making a success of it is admirable. You reap what you sow….. Marie your hard work has flourished. And beautiful Harley is the proud resident Labrador of Salspals.

You can find out much more at their website Sal’s Pals

Anytime I need Buddy or Bella looked after Salspals is the place I choose for my precious labradors to go. Whether its for a hospital stay and I’m forced to stay in due to treatment or an infection and my hubby has comittments that leave the babies at home all day, we will use the services. Or most definetly when I am feeling tickety boo and we manage a travel trip, especially on the harley davidson, and meet up with friends from the http://www.dunedinhog.com to attend a harley davidson ralley. Sally does a tremendous job of making you feel welcome, she really does love the dogs. And our dogs undoubtedly enjoy their time at Salspals. Their daycare is tailormade to your needs. Salspals is special.

Salspals is in an exciting period they are moving to their new premises; this is a fantastic new time for the business. It will allow the dogs to rest in comfortable and safe surroundings. Run around in a safe and secure area. However, dont worry there will still be plenty walks on the cards for our four legged friends.

Life is short and most certainly precious. We have to look out for those that we care for and those who care for us. The familiar sound in my house is the padding of Labrador feet at my side. Buddy and Bella are never far from me and that’s how I like it. The first time I left Buddy I don’t know who was more upset, it was like leaving a child at the school gates. I could hear him whimpering. In the 5 years I had him we had never been apart. Not for one night. When I left my tummy was in turmoil. I felt tears pricking in my eyes. Phone in my bag, so wanted to reach for it and call and say I would come get him. Not that I knew what I would do with him, it was 10pm and I was due at the airport at 5am. 10.45pm my mobile made a familiar sound it was a text with an image of Buddy and Bella on the sofa cuddling in. At 4-30am I received another one to say they were both ok, and asked how I was. When I landed there was a text and photo waiting for me. Then I knew my babies were going to be ok, in fact I knew they were going to have a great time.

Sally at Sal’s Pals – it started with a puppy

A Walk With The Dogs

Well its been quite a while since we have had limitations due to coronavirus. For many of us life has became a new normal, there are folk that listen to radios and watch the news on the tv in the hope for lifted restrictions. In the passed weeks restrictions have been gradually relaxed to allow us to see one another, within certain restrictions. I’ve been at home with my dogs and what I have wanted most is A Walk With The Dogs.

In Scotland this is our advice for now https://www.gov.scot/coronavirus-covid-19/

We are blessed to live in the country. Surrounded by beautiftul country side and not see a person, shop, house, or car for miles or hours. You may think that after being cooped up in the house you are desperate to talk to someone, alas no. The beauty and tranquility of our surroundings brought the most fantastic memories flooding back. Such wonderful thoughts and recollection of amazing trips with the boys, paddling our feet in the water and building a dam. For this walk I had the perfect company; my beloved husband and faithful labradors. They were just what I wanted and needed on this midweek evening.

We took a drive to St Mary’s Loch and Megget Reservoir. One of our favour places to walk the dogs in the evening , not a person in sight. At St Marys Loch there is a lovely cafe, that is usually open during the day, serves not only a great cup of coffee and cakes, but does great lunches too; fills the belly of many a biker with delicious homemade macaroni, curry, lovely sandwiches.

St Mary’s Loch is a lovely spot to sit and have a rest after a walk or drive. The drive to the loch is pleasant whichever way you are coming from, either Edinburgh, or down south. The loch is the largest natural loch in the Scottish Borders, its 5km long and 1km wide. It lies on the south side of the A708 between Selkirk and Moffat and is only 45 miles from Edinburgh, well worth the drive. The loch was created by glacial action during the last ice age. Why is the loch called St Mary’s? There was once a church dedicated to St Mary which once stood on its northern shore. Unfortunately only the burial grounds are now visible.

St Mary’s loch is fed by Megget Reservoir. The Reservoir is in the valley in Ettrick Forest in the beautiful Scottish Borders. The 259 hectares reservoir is held back by the largest earth dam in Scotland. The reservoir collects water from the Tweedsmuir hills.

The drive to St Mary’s loch was a fun packed one. Steve and I were singing songs in the car like a couple of teenagers, the dogs were panting in time to the music. They look out of the window and you know they remember every last stop and treat they had the last time they were in the car. As we drove through Innerleithen they got excited in anticipation, thinking we would stop at the ice cream shop and treat ourselves to a cone. No such luck, shops closed. Buddy’s face fell like a sulking child getting the wrong toy, However, the elation when we opened the boot and they got out into the open space. They ran about 10 yards, both of them came right back to me, Buddy gave me one almighty slobbery kiss so hard on the lips he almost knocked me over. Their way of saying we love you guys. You could see the happiness on their faces. Buddy my ever so handsome Fox Red Labrador and Bella, Golden Labrador; she is sensitive. Both dogs are very loving.

Buddy at Megget Reservoir

St Mary’s Loch

St Mary’s Loch

The road alongside the reservoir is fairly uneven and narrow

Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir


Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

Bella testing the water at Megget Reservoir

Buddy exploring at Megget Reservoir

Steve, Buddy and Bella having a walk at St Mary’s Loch

On the road from the loch to the reservoir it is narrow and somewhat uneven. It is a fairly steep incline to get up to the reservoir. As you are driving you pass some beautiful scenic landscapes. The road can get a little hairy at times and you have to remember what goes up usually comes down. Lets just says we were going slow enough to take in the enjoyable scenery.

Megget Reservoir


Megget Reservoir
Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

Megget Reservoir

The dogs reluctantly jumped back in the car and we too grudgingly took our seats in the car and made our way on the scenic five and a half mile journey to Talla Reservoir, just one mile from Tweedsmuir in The Scottish Borders. Talla Reservoir is an earth-work dam fed by Talla water. And is supplemented by water from the Fruid Reservoir nearby. It was opened in 1905. To assist in bringing the materials for its construction, the Talla Railway was built.

Talla Reservoir

Talla Reservoir






Second exercise of the evening and the dogs were very happy, tails wagging franticly. Big labrador grins on their faces; all labrador owners will know exactly what I mean. And if they could talk they would be saying thanks ever so much for coming here, we know you love it, so do we. There was a bird chirping its head off and yes it though Bella was going to go chasing it and have it for dinner. Bella wouldn’t. She would be more inclined to go get it some food or give it a cuddle. She has such wonderful mothering instincts, but the bird didn’t know that and it was quacking its head off so we moved on and left it in peace.

We had a wonderful time, it was peaceful, the dogs really enjoyed. Scenery was beautiful. Weather was dry what more could you ask for.

Time to jump in the car yet again. One last pit stop to do. It has many childhood memories for me, lots for my children. Was the route my uncle Allan took me on when I was learning to drive. We did many charity cycles, predominantly The Borders Push for Testicular Cancer. We were now travelling the 22 miles Talla Reservoir to The Meldons. As we took the right hand turn, signpost “Eddleston via The Meldons” and started climbing the narrow unmarked road. Buddy couldn’t contain his excitement, tail wagging, and his quiet panting sounded like an anonymous heavy breathing caller on the telephone. “Nearly there sweetheart” I said to him. Bella licked his ears. At last we arrived.

Steve, Buddy and Bella at The Meldons
Steve crossing The Water With Bella at The Meldons
Steve at The Meldons

The drive down to The Meldons was more than a pleasant one. Looking out of the car window as Steve drove and we chatted, there was so much going on. Sheep in fields, birds flying in the sky, so many different hedges, trees, etc. Various crops growing in fields, an array of different colours. We didn’t pass one car on the road. But then it was midweek and after 8pm by this time.

The dogs jumped out of the car as if they had never been out all day. Bella loved the water and paddling around, Buddy not so by this time in the evening he didn’t want to go in the water. Instead he was on a rabbit trail, nose to the ground and sniffing around and around very happily.

As I gently plonked my bottom on the heather and sat down to check how much feed I had left in my backpack, after all we had been out for quite a while. Great I still have at least over an hour on my pump feed to run. Sitting on the cushioned purple heather I looked around. Such happy memories came flooding from over the many years, lots of fun and many trips to this lovely location with family and friends. Sadly some people that are no longer with us but the reminiscence carries on and I will always have wonderful thoughts and memories. This is one of our happy places. For us a go to place.

Big boys do cry

Being at home permanently since March 12th has certainly given me time to think.  There has been many a lonely hour to reminisce.  Its been lovely to look back and remember events that have gone by, places I’ve  have visited, people that have came into my life and made an impression; left their mark.

In my 54 years of life its been happy, eventful and surrounded by a great many beautiful caring characters.  From the moment I have been able to comprehend I was showered with love.  As I grew up I was always shown kindness,  the family philosophy was treat others as you would like treated yourself, I will never ask anyone to do something I wouldn’t do myself.  Yes these days as I am getting less able and I  will pay someone to clean, paint  or fix something  – I’m sure these tradesman appreciate the work.

Getting back to my time to think.  When I was sitting putting my feed on I was thinking about when part of my job included listening to people and their problems, how they were feeling.  I encouraged them to talk about their feelings.  Express exactly how they felt at that particular moment and how to deal with it.  I would gently persuade them to chat and through time just by talking they would soon realise what made them happy and what made them stressed and sad.  We would work on the positive aspects of their everyday living and help them get back to a happy place.   One thing that did happen to several people is that at some point during their journey was they would face an emotional encounter.  Regardless of their gender, age or size they would talk about whatever may be bothering them, or perhaps on the contrary what has made them very happy that day and then suddenly the voice would go quieter,  and that emotional encounter would take place; the real journey had begun and I would consider my work as continuing success…. Looking back at how a lot of us are feeling at the moment, frightened to show our emotions, a lot of people get told to be quiet, not talk about their feelings, not cry.  If they do cry many are met with Now come on, stop that crying, pull yourself  together.   Stacy Solomon on Loose Women was talking on ITV and said her mum used to vacuum when she was crying, to hide the fact that she was.  All very sad.  We need to be allowed to show our emotions.

I still remember one particular chap when I was working, he was your average build gent, and a father of three, he felt he was failing all round, his family, his work, his health, and most importantly himself.  Of course he wasn’t.  When he got to his emotional encounter he quietly sniffed away the tears and continued to talk, shortly afterwards he described blurry vision and tears threatened to spill from his eyes.  He wiped his eyes so much they were red and swollen. I handed him a handkerchief and said let the tears happen,  please don’t be embarrassed.   His lips trembled, an involuntary whimper escaped his lips as tears spilled over the sides of his eyes.  He looked over at me, his face shouting out help me and please listen.  His body wracked with an onslaught of sobs and tears.  The tears raced down his cheeks.  He cried for a few minutes.  When we discussed events he explained how relieved he felt and thanked me for getting him there.  We still had a way to go, however, the big lesson learnt was not to these suppress emotions;  and deal with them appropriately – the basic emotions are happiness, fear, surprise, sadness, anger and disgust.  The message from this experience I took was most definitely people gain from expressing their emotions, getting upset, talking about their problems; a problem shared.  Big boys do cry.

 

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I most certainly do know being home on my own and having this time to think I also have to to shed a tear and I have probably cried more in the last few weeks than I have done so for quite some time.  Although I do have to say my life is made so much better by those folks that message me and ask how I am, who give me a phone and have a natter.  Please drop an email or a text or give a quick call to your pal or your mum, brother or sister, etc.  I have noticed there are some folk that I only get texts if I send them one first, would I get one asking how I am if I didn’t send them one?  Perhaps I would, maybe I wouldn’t!!! But one thing I do know there are some folks in my address book that we send messages to each other regardless, sometimes I’m first, sometimes their first.  But one thing I do know we deeply care about each other and look out for one another.  You guys know who you are; I love you.

Sunday Afternoon

Our usual Sunday Afternoon consists of a ride on our Harley Davidson.  Meeting up with chums from the The Dunedin Chapter Scotland and visiting my Dad.

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This particular Sunday we are still in lockdown and restrictions still apply.  We are very that we are surrounded in the most beautiful countryside, our garden is larger than most.  And we can certainly exercise and get fresh air without bumping into anyone if we want.

For some time there has been an area near the front of the house that we would love to put some hard standing to cover the dirty area that gets mushy when folk park on it, despite all the chipped area around the house.  Steve brings round to work with some beautiful natural stone.  And begins to lay it.  Our Harley Davidson Fat Boy sits in front of the house looking lonely.  Our labs, Buddy and Bella stand together at the front of the door, waiting eagerly until I finally say they can come and join me while I put plants in the pots at the front of the house.

 

 

 

They are so happy once they join us out the front. Watching Steve cut the stone and lay it.  And me put some petunias, lobelia, pansies and a few other plants in pots.
The one thing that certainly hasn’t changed about the Sunday Afternoon is we spend time together.  Have a lovely day no matter what we do.  Just make the best of it.  Life is for living.  Live, laugh and love everyday.

And always make sure we make time for ourselves.  My time is writing.  Which I love love love.

Have a great day folks.

 

Hold your hand everday

As the pandemic continues.  We are still in lockdown.  Life continues to be on a different path.  Real life physical human beings I see; my husband of coarse, I live with him and so very grateful we have not only been lovers since 1982 but best friends.  My nurses; to tend to my gastrostomy tube, change dressings, etc, etc.  And see anyone from a distance at the door when they deliver parcels and mail.

Modern technology has saved my sanity.  Steve and I having a long lie on Sunday morning, it’s 9am and my mobile telephone has that distinctive ring.  I know it’s a FaceTime call.  Simultaneously Steve and I say know who that will be.  I click the phone and can hear the joyous tones.  ‘Morning, what are you doing in your Bed Granny’?  ‘Having a got chocolate’ is my reply.  We are having a three way conversation between our house (Steve & I) , Stuart & Alexandra, and Teeny & Grace.  It’s fab, we all blather loudly, the girls can’t believe we are still in bed. It’s Sunday, I say in my defence.  They have us laughing.  Along the hall we can hear the dogs.  They can obviously hear the girls talking and they are excited.  Can we see Buddy and Bella please.  I toddle Along the hall.  Bella is actually smiling.  They are pleased to hear the kids.  Morning Bella Boo, Morning, Buddy Boy, says Alexandra, miss you,  the labradors tails start to wag frantically.  Grace calls on Frieda the cat.  Alexandra asks ‘Granny can you go out the back and say morning to Birdie please’.  I go see the beautiful black lionhead rabbit.  The girls are ever so happy.  Right that’s enough I say, granny is wiped out now.  I sit on the seat at the table very happy and blether away .  I maybe can’t see them all in the flesh, however a video call like this makes the world worth living.   We all chat say what’s been happening and what the plans for the day are.

Both girls had plans to play in gardens.  Alexandra said she was going to be drawing and colouring in later.  Grace was going to be playing games.

 

Hold my hand and Smile Each And Everyday

Alexandra drew round her hand in her notebook,  she tore out the page.  Left the page for me with the drawing.  She said I can hold her hand anytime.  She said on a FaceTime call to me Granny I would just love to hold your hand everday

 

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I was so chocked up, it’s difficult to believe Alexandra has just turned 4 years of age.

At this difficult time in this crazy world we need to be grateful for what we have.  Make the most folks.

Alexandra and Grace:

Such Kindness over the Easter Weekend

As we all know and expected this Easter Weekend is somewhat very different.  With most of us being in isolation and being asked to stay at home.  I expected to feel lonely and miss the activities that I had been expecting to do and the people I was looking forward to seeing. However, there were a few folk that did some very nice act of kindness towards myself, Steve and my labs which made me feel very special, loved and happy.  Certainly not lonely at all.

 

Just before Good Friday, my nurse was in to service my gastrostomy tube and change my dressings.  As well as check on my well being, and see how I am doing.  As my nurse was leaving that day she left an Easter card for Steve and I and doggie treats for Buddy and Bella – all in a lovely Easter bag.

 

I got a special FaceTime from my 4 year old granddaughter Alexandra to let me know she had drawn pictures for us.  She had done a special rainbow for our window and would post it through our door.  Her dad sent a text of her holding the picture.  I was so excited to get it.  Words cant explain how much we miss seeing her,  She usually visits every weekend and when you are used to seeing a grandchild on this regular timing, this lockdown period feels like lifetime.  She is my pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  I was in hospital for 12 weeks with sepsis and hardly saw anyone however I felt poorly and had no sense of time on many days.  This is different.  However, with the technology we have and keeping a positive attitude we can get through this.  Chatting on FaceTime and sharing what we have done throughout the day makes me smile, we laugh and sing, I just love my FaceTime time.

 

 

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We have had a relaxing Easter weekend.    Writing, gardening (for Steve) some tv and lovely quality time together with the labs.  I was in the Wetroom putting on my creams when I heard Bella ‘friendly barking’ so I ignored her.  Half an hour later I went through to the kitchen to put on my feed.  As I reached for the pump I noticed my mobile phone had several notifications.  As I sat down to read them, I noticed one was a message from Danielle.

Danielle has been my friend for at least 23 years.  We have been through a lot together.  I know if I message Danz and ask can you please come here she will come.  I have been there for Danielle emotionally and I know she will be there for me.  Again I am so grateful for technology so we can chat ad text.  So what did the message say?  It said.  “I’ve  left something at your front door xxxx”. What was left?

 

 

The most beautiful canvas, of course it is zebras.  And cakes for uncle Steve.  He will love them.  Tonight I will light one of Natalie ’s candles and give her an extra special thought, not that she is ever far rom my mind.

A massive thank you to my special people this weekend, you are what keeps me going.  You all know me and what makes me tick.  Why, perhaps its because I love you guys let you into my heart and you know what makes me happy.

Why zebra?  Neuroendocrine cancer is rare.  Zebras are rare.  When doctors are getting trained they are told

  • when you hear hoofbeats.
  • Look for horses not zebras

Many charities and people with net cancer adopt the zebra as their mascot.

 

My beautiful rainbow picture all coloured in.  Up in my window showing with pride.

 

 

 

Natalie Ann’s Candles

 

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Keeping Me Company

As we know the  restrictions  on the UK during Covid-19  

are continuing over the Easter weekend and well into the rest of April.  Although I’m missing my visitors coming to the house I have been enjoying the FaceTime calls and many texts and emails I’ve been getting.  The messages really keep me going and cheer me up.

So who do I see?  Who was keeping me company.  My only visitors are my nurses; they come to check on me, service my gastrostomy tube, change my dressings and administer my octreotide treatment every 14 days.   I live with my hubby,  and our two labradors, Buddy and Bella.  Buddy is a great help he knows when my sugar level is low, or  when my heart rate is playing up.  Buddy and Bella are two beautiful labradors Buddy is a stunning fox red and Bella is a lovely little yellow lady.  They are husband and wife; We have bred them together twice and had 21 babies.  They are wonderful company, give the best cuddles.  Im glad the dogs do give the best hugs at the moment,  its a really weird time.  Even my own home surroundings that are so familiar can feel very alien and so damn well lonely a lot of the time.  I’m so pleased I’ve got my hubby and dogs at home and my regular face timers, phone callers and folks that text and email otherwise I would be feeling like if I didn’t die of Coronavirus I may die of a broken heart or loneliness.

 

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One of our nurse’s has taken a shine to our labs and gave them an Easter present.  They were chuffed.

That reminds me I better get something for my loyal lab’s Easter and order their food on https://rcm-eu.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?o=2&p=13&l=ur1&category=amazon_business&banner=1F498HGV07F7YKE5JQG2&f=ifr&linkID=921d9025bcbdbe51885c15afeab9a0a8&t=smileeachande-21&tracking_id=smileeachande-21” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>Amazon

 

The one thing the dogs and I love is listening to music in the kitchen.  We just say Alexa play “a certain playlist” from Amazon Music . Bella is a dog that likes to sing, Buddy is a dog that likes to dance.  They really are amusing and great company.

Right now there is a special offer for three months on the subscription.  Click on the link below to see.

https://rcm-eu.amazon-adsystem.com/e/cm?o=2&p=48&l=ur1&category=amazon_music_bounty&banner=1S7QPRHBCK6W9HRPHV82&f=ifr&linkID=1dffa2c820211d5fd70cd355e422e3f0&t=smileeachande-21&tracking_id=smileeachande-21” target=”_blank” rel=”noopener”>amazon music