For most of us life is hard enough. We all run along in the treadmill of life in our own way. Me, I try and make the best of it even on the bleakest day. The last three weeks have been a struggle. My father is in hospital, he has had life saving open heart surgery, his surgery was fairly extensive; a triple bypass, a valve replacement and a pacemaker. He has been in intensive care, moved onto high dependency and now graduated to the specialist cardiology ward. He still has a long hard journey ahead of him. My Papa is made of strong stuff, he will fight all the way. I am finding it hard, seeing him lie in the hospital bed looking so frail and lost when I am so used to seeing him going around the family home like a busy bee. To let you understand my Dad is not one for sitting down, as you would say he has a ‘glass ass’. He likes to keep busy, making sure everyone is looked after when they visit him. There is always coffee and a sandwich on offer.
Ive been feeling a tad worse than usual over the last few weeks too. On the medics advice Ive increased my steroids. Whats keeping me going and giving me strength? Love. From particular special individuals: my hubby Steve, my sons Tony & Stuart and my granddaughters Alexandra & Grace. They are my shining light, all of them fill my heart with warmth and love. They light up my life even on the darkest days. And make me smile – Always. I love them so much and am so grateful to have them in my life.
Well it’s nearly 2am and I’m wide awake. It’s been a great day. Today was our 30th wedding anniversary and we are in Boat of Garten, near Aviemore to celebrate. I can hear two very familiar sounds. The first is the whiring of my feed pump, the other -rumbling snoring; my hubby, Steve, this gasping pup pup sound coming methodically from him. I wake up often at this time, giving me the opportunity to reflect on what’s going on in my life.
I’ve had two lovely nights in Aberdeen with Steve. We were staying in a lovely hotel, went to a great party to celebrate the 60th birthday of his cousin, Annette and the 30th birthday of her son Lee. Great seeing the family and spending time with Steve’s aunt Margaret and her children. Steve’s sister Julie, Nicole and jack are here too. Lovely quality family time; had a super family meal and went back to cousin Jimmy and Teresa’s for a visit. Steve and I had some time on own too, the drive through Aberdeen for me set of many childhood memories. My aunt lived in Aberdeen and we visited often. As we drove passed Duthie Park my heart leapt and I can remember it as if it was yesterday playing in the hot sun with my mum, granny Baird and auntie Nellie. I yearn so to take my grandkids there, share my happiest times with them. The time went so fast over the weekend. After breakfast we popped in to see auntie Margaret. She was telling us about manuka doctor honey. And how it helps health conditions for some people. She brought the jar through to show us, steve took a photo of it. We have since looked it up and we can purchase it at Holland & Barrett for £28.99 and get a second jar for 1penny. We are going to give it a try. For a lady of eighty years of age she is marvellous. When I was there I had my backpack feed on. She was open and asked me about it. I wish there were more people would ask when they really want to know. I really don’t mind answering the questions. You tend to find its children and people over the age of 75 that ask.
Our anniversary day was wonderful. Drive from Aberdeen to boat of Garten was delightful. We drove passed the lecht ski centre, one of my old haunts. For me so strange to see it covered in Heather rather than snow. A warm welcome awaited us at our beautiful hotel, we have a garden room, so somewhere to sit out with a pot of tea 😘. A huge six foot wide bed – could do with that at home. We literally dropped our bags and drove into Aviemore. We were booked on the strathspey steam railway for first class afternoon tea. What a great journey we had. Our own we private compartment, pot of tea, coffee, and lots of lovely food. I thought this would be a great treat for Steve, since he is always running about after me, working so hard with his business and rarely gets time just to sit and watch the world go by. And we both love the idea of the steam train. An hour an a half of relaxation was wonderful. I’m sure it did the two of us the world of good. We had parked the car about a five minute walk from the train. As we were walking back, I said to Steve I needed to go to the toilet. We immediately saw a tesco – bingo, that will do, I was bursting now, thank goodness I had an insurance policy on. Steve put his hand gently on my shoulder you are too close to the edge of the road he said as a large lorry rumbled passed feeling like it was about to take of my nose. At last the green man, we could cross. Yes, they had customer toilets. Thank,goodness. Oh the relief.
We came back to the hotel at 5pm for a rest before going downstairs for a wee while at dinner time. I sat on the decking with a pot of tea, it was was a lovely day and at 5.10pm it was 19 degrees – in Scotland, nearing the end of August that’s pretty good. Sitting watching the world go by, soaking in the atmosphere, beautiful. Suddenly a wave washed over me and I could feel a chill to my bones. The wee voice was saying watch you don’t get overtired now – you have done much more than you are used to. The tummy started rumbling, get to the loo woman and deal with it. I said to myself, it’s your blasted anniversary. So I did. A beauty of a major explosion in the bathroom – the sweat running down my back with the pain. Along with my teatime medication I took extra anti sickness pills. I lay on the bed for twenty minutes with Steve. Much better.
We had a wonderful evening downstairs. Gosh, not a late night for us though. We went down at 6.30pm and we were back in our room at 8.15pm. Before we came to our room we walked round a beautiful community garden opposite the hotel. Lovely way to finish off the evening. Back in our lovely room, we had time to relax and planning our Tuesday.
We have to make sure we get plenty time to do my creams, dressings, medications and my feed. Two 500mls on the pump overnight, one or two 500mls during the day depending and 4 bolus feeds during the day. Steve is very organised and methodical when it comes to my medication. He sorts it all out first thing in the morning, puts it in little pots and transfers if medicine containers if we are going out.
Looking forward to today. We are meeting my sister hazel and brother in law alan. Going up in fenicular railway.
Well today its my birthday. I am half a century – the big 50. Many folk hide their age, dread being fifty and pretend their younger than they are. Me, I’m happy to be here. I feel privileged to say I have hit such a milestone. My fortieth decade was a mixed one. There was many happy events, lots of love and laughter which keeps me going. However, I also had to face a few difficult life challenging times which were so difficult.
Happy to get up the castle
I had many occasions to have cause for celebration. Both my sons attended university in this decade furthered their education. Our delightful labradors, Buddy and Bella came into our lives; the unconditional love they give is amazing, I really can’t imagine my life without the hairy beasties. We delivered a litter of puppies from them, and have kept in touch with puppies and owners. Now made some lovely friends. Some wonderful children have been born in the last ten years who are really close to my heart. There have been a few very happy weddings. I have mad many new friends. Need I go on. Life is precious and for living, it is all too easy to get bogged down with our problems. On a personal level Steve and I are as much in love as we were when we were teenagers. I believe this is my weapon – Love.
The one thing I am certain is in the last ten years I felt loved. The first five years were very difficult, I suddenly lost 3 stone in weight, felt very ill, and no-one seemed to know why was wrong with me. It took a while to get my health situation sorted out, but with the love of Steve, the boys and my parents I felt secure. I’ve had a few hairy moments been in hospital with septicaemia for 7 weeks, and boy was that scary. Now got my gastrostomy tube fitted. Life isn’t always easy with a stoma. Ive been admitted with several infections. However, its much better than it was, I have a fantastic medical team and nurses that come to the house which is fantastic. And I’m still here to tell the tale and thats whats important.
The second half of my forties were slightly more challenging than the first emotionally. Amongst other things: A very close uncle died, my youngest son had extensive brain surgery, my Mum died, my eldest son had meningitis, hubby had eye surgery for detached retina. But you know what we got through it all. The boys are doing well. Steve still has problems, and only had surgery last week again, but the brave bugger is dealing with it the only way he knows – full of courage – like a lion. It will be three years on the 9th August that Mum passed. I miss her every day. We had one of those relationships that we spoke or text every day. Mum wouldn’t want me moping around. She was a great character, a beautiful woman that I looked up to and admired.
One day in the consulting room at the hospital my professor handed me a card. It was for the NET Tumour Support Group that I now meet regularly with. . We have all became great friends. Sadly, one of the friends that I was very fond of passed away last year. However, I would rather have spent time with her, laughed, cried, etc, even for one year and then felt the pain of her loss than not have met her at all. we all meet regularly every month and have a great time. Its not doom and gloom, we meet at each others house or in the pub. Partners, friends, carers go too. You can have a look at the charity’s website to see what work they do: www.taect.scot I’m looking forward to helping organise the tea party in Pencaitland in November for NET Cancer Day.
I’ve had cards delivered for my 50th birthday. Including cards from friends in the Net group which is lovely. One of my friends in the group, Barbara was very thoughtful, because my eating is restricted, she made me a flower birthday cake. I could have cried, its so beautiful.
Looking forward to spending my 50’s with Steve. Doing what I enjoy. Taking photos, writing, cuddling my labs, crafting, etc. My big aim is to get back into baking and cooking, just because I’m not eating as I did doesn’t mean I should stop what I love. I got a beautiful mixer last year and boy is it going to get its ass worked off now that I have got over that hurdle. Have a great weekend guys. After Ive finished my treatment today My hubby is taking me to The Edinburgh Festival tonight and tomorrow night. Tonight its Craig Hill, tomorrow its Nina Conti
You look great – that’s the words we all long to hear. We all want to look our best. Whether we are nipping to the supermarket, having a lazy day, or going out for dinner. The last thing I want is folk to be surprised that I look “normal”
So why is it that there are times when people say certain phrases to me that can set my tummy into turmoil and make me feel guilty for having an illness. These words are usually said in such an innocent manner and no malice is ever meant. Sometimes I can get upset by what has been said to me, regardless of how harmless the conversation is. The person paying the compliment is usually always blameless.
The conversations and body language that are directed to me are intended to be kind and gentle. A gentle hand stroking my arm and the words that first come out how are you keeping? One of the ladies in our support network group particularly doesn’t like this phrase. I have spoken to many people whilst I have been in hospital and yes they are affected by what’s said too. Certain words affect folks more than others, the word keeping was one that some found hard to deal with. I’m not quite sure why, as I say it’s always said with such niavity. Perhaps it’s because the word keeping is associated with custody and criminal. Many people with with chronic illnesses have life changing situations after their diagnosis and can often feel like a prisoner in their own home and need the help of others. Maybe this is a possibility why keeping is not liked by this person. I can’t go out on my own, and I’m very grateful for the help I get, not feeling sorry for myself – promise 😘.
Most of the time words said don’t bother me too much at all. I can put them in a box and breathe. What really drives me crazy is the tone that the conversation is spoken to me in. The very pitch can affect my mood, and hence a knock on affect on my health. Most days I will banter and have fun, if something is said in a teasing manner I will take it like water off a ducks back. However if I’m having a difficult day the slightest thing will reduce me to tears.
So why do we want to look good? – why not? I personally want to look like my old self. I want to be my husband’s wife 💕. My wonderful staff at Ninewells hospital in Dundee have specially manufactured coloured cream for my skin to put on every day. The transformation is fantastic. It covers every blemish, wrinkle, gives me a lovely colour. And it looks so natural. Once it’s on properly you wouldn’t know I had cream on. For me it takes a lot of work to look “normal” – I smear my entire body in several creams three times a day. Steve’s cousin Anna commented on how much work it was and how good the transformation the Dundee cream made – this actually made me feel good that she was so open.
The good thing about the chronic illness. It’s on the inside. We can cover it up. Put on the war paint and put on a smile 😀😀 it’s good to smile, it’s infectious. Smile and the world smiles with you. When you are all dressed and tried your hardest to look good, whether you are dressed to the nines or in a tracksuit, and have make up on or not. If I am happy I always look better. I know I am loved and this certainly makes me happy. It can be hard to look good for anyone at anytime but I will say my family and friends do make my life much better.
I love to buy and get treated to nice clothes and accessories. My favourites are Ragamuffin, Fatface, Michael kors, Pandora. My hubby, Steve is so good to me. Steve wants to treat me and make me feel good, he is the one that sees me feeling so rubbish at home. And puts up with my grumpy pants sulking moods 😂😂 – for my sake just as well he loves me.
The dark scary winter behind us. Several hospital admissions. The bulbs poked their heads through the earth and produced some colour. As Spring emerged I hoped that my favourite season would be kinder to me than the winter was. However, the hope of a better spring turned into disappointment. The sunshine break Steve booked on January 1st was something both of us were yearning. The thought of the warmer climate, the slow pace of life, friendly locals – it was all felt very appealing.
The waiting was over. Finally the big tin bird was waiting on the Tarmac to transport us to our island in the sun. I was nervous it was the first time flying since Lavita had became part of my life.
I was all very organised, letters from consultant, General Practioner, and Community Dietician. All explaining why I carry extra weight, have excess fluids, syringes, needles, scissors, dressings and lots of medication.
The airport was very busy, we all stood queued up, hand luggage in tow, passports in hand. A steady drum beat like sound echoed through my ears. The longer I waited the faster and louder the beat got. Although palpations are an everyday occurrence, the venue was somewhat different to what I’m used to. I was next up, as I struggled walking stick in one hand and hand luggage in the other. The airport staff quickly came to assistance. They exchanged my stick for one of theirs, just in case I filled mine with illicit drugs, and the burly gentleman lifted my bag onto the belt. I walked the walk. Steve and I were both cleared at the same time. All ready to board the plane.
The flight was grand. Holiday was fantastic. There were a couple of hairy moments like the time when I chanced having a handful of peanuts and one decided to try and expel itself out of my wound, a hair breadth from my gastrostomy tube. As I was breathing it popping in and out, making a grand appearance. I lay on the double bed, splayed my legs put my feet up on the wall, I got scissors and after several attempts gripped the end and pulled it out as it made its appearance – got it. Oh yuk, all the granulation softened and started running down my tummy. My hair was soaking wet, legs shaking beads of sweat running down my brow. Boy did I wish i was home. I managed to clean myself up, getting a dressing on and rest up. A few hours later I was feeling much better.
Steve and I made sure we had a relaxing holiday. We did what we wanted when we wanted. Steve hired a car and we travelled around the beautiful island soaking in the atmosphere.
When Pamela Ter Gast and I made friends on Facebook four years ago. Little did I know such a strong friendship would develop. And just how much we have in common. Our friendship began with a shared interest of neuroendocrine tumours. Our chatting very soon veered to a personal level.lkkkkk Pam, Dutch born now living in USA with her beloved Boo, has two kids – like me. Only I have two lads, Pam has one of each; a girl and a boy. We hooked up with two other Dutch zebras: Beth and Didi. The four of us formed a close bond; sharing stories, we laughed and cried together. We call ourselves the musketeers. Of course we are alternative musketeers – Pam: Winnie The Pooh, Beth: Piglet, Didi: Eyore and little old me:Tigger.
Pam was a very gutsy lady who I admired greatly. You could always rely on Pammy to make you feel better. When times were tough for any of us we would take a virtual travel together. We posted our travels on social media and many people actually thought we were actually away to beautiful sandy beaches, climbing mountains, visiting castles and distant shores. Now that would have been a treat 😉.
This beautiful lady showered her kindness and picked me up on days I felt pdown. She always had an uncanny knack of knowing without asking……and offering that shoulder. Pam did not stop at friending me. She would drop messages to the men in my life. When my mum passed away she was fab and sent messages to the boys, when Tony had meningitis she sent him a few messages asking how he was. And on one ocassion when I hadn’t posted on Facebook for a few days she sent Steve a message saying she was worried she hadn’t heard from me and asking if everything was ok. As friends we sent each other photos, pictures, etc. some would be funny cartoons to make us laugh others would be photos of landscapes or flowers.
This is a photo Beth took in Holland and sent to Pam. She loved it.
Beautiful Pam with the infectious smile. Always looking on the bright side of life. Sharing a conversation brightened my day.
Pam wanted to raise awareness of neuroendocrine cancer. And whilst she bravely fought her own battle, she took time out to educate the public. Giving talks, posting on you tube, etc. Ever so proud of you Pam. 💕.
Pam posted a video on YouTube:
A beautiful obituary in The Telegram
http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/telegram/obituary.aspx?n=pamela-ter-gast&pid=180298509&eid=sp_shareobit
I will miss my conversations with Pam. Her friendship was so valuable to me. She will always hold a special place in my heart. When Pam said to me she knew how I was feeling, yes I knew she really did know how i was feeling. There was no bullshit from this lady. I feel priveliged to say she was my friend. Pammy you touched so many people: your loss is being felt world wide tonight.
We exchanged many pictures, photos, etc. This is one that Pam posted on my Facebook page. Rather apt, don’t you think?
Back from the NET specialist just ten days and we find ourselves travelling up the scenic A9 in our Audi TT roadster with the roof down. Boy it’s great to be travelling for total pleasure. We are on our way to Nairn. Going to celebrate Cousin Sharon’s 40th birthday. This was no formal birthday party. We were dressed in 60’s clothing. And the venue was a holiday park. Most of the family stayed at the holiday park for the weekend. Steve and I opted to stay in a hotel just for the one night. For us this worked out fantastic.
Our friends Louise and Keith looked after Buddy & Bella for the night we were away. It’s always easier to go away when I know our puppies will be well looked after. We pamper our pouches and we know they will get lots of loving from Lou and Keith.
The drive up was great. The sun was shining. The roof was down all the
We drove into the holiday park , as we were parking the car, there were a handful of hippies walking towards the social club. Yes we are in the correct place. As we walked into the bar there was a see of faces, nearly everyone had a 60’s outfit on. We saw a waving hand, it was Anna signalling to where they were. Just as well really, because when everyone is dressed up so well we were all so different – especially when we had wigs on, etc.
This is is picture I took of Steve at home when he was trying on his outfit 😀
When we approached the family, Steve’s auntie Margaret turned round and almost leapt off her seat. She stood on the floor and hugged her nephew tight. With the height difference between them Steve was on his knees whilst cuddling his aunt and neither of them looked out of place. There were tears in both of their eyes, without doubt they were both genuinely pleased to see each other. Auntie Margaret’s five children, Annette, Pauline, Patricia, Jimmy Phil and their partners all welcomed us into the heart of the family. Everyone from the eldest to the youngest grandchild made us feel welcome and at ease.
Steve and I went back to the Hotel to get ready :
When we arrived back we had a meal. We sat in the restaurant and had something to munch before a night on the tiles. Then it was time to party…….
We all had a fabulous time. Steve and I had to get back to the hotel for 12 midnight. We popped over to the caravan site in the morning to say our Cheerios. We had a blether with auntie Margaret, cousin Phil, and his wife Jackie. Annette came round to the caravan in the morning, as did Jimmy and Theresa. This gave us the opportunity to see them and have a coffee and a blether before we drove down the road,
On the way home, Steve and I blethered away, enjoyed each other’s company in the confined space and had the chance to take time and discuss things. Travelling has many advantages and opens up opportunities to let us air our views and share our thoughts, worries, anxieties, etc. We pulled in for a spot of lunch at House of Bruar, of course, we can never go anywhere without me getting treated. Steve bought me lovely soft blue cashmere gloves and a navy cashmere silk hat.
We arrived back home. I was shattered. The drive up to Nairn, the late night, the socialisation all contributory factors. It had been challenging, as always, finding somewhere to stay, packing all my meds, creams clothes, pump, and every thing else that goes with me. Was it worth it? Oh most certainly. For two days we drove in Scotland with the roof down, slept in a lovely hotel, and most importantly we spent some quality time wIth family who made us feel welcome and had us belly laughing, would we do it all again ? Try stopping us.
The 1st of March 2015 was a rather eventful day in our house. Our loving Labrador, Bella gave birth to eight puppies. Ever faithful Buddy looked on as she delivered each individual pup. One year on and we are still in contact with five of the owners. We hear how they are progressing. It is a wonderful feeling to know that you helped delivered these little guys into the world and now they are part of another family. We get to know what joy they are bringing to others and what their role is now they have left the nest.
Buddy looking after Gunner before he leaves the nest
March 1st 2016 celebrated their 1st birthday. I sent a message to the families to say happy birthday to the dogs and hope that they were well. I got messages and pictures back. It makes me feel good to know that the dogs are loved and well cared for. And I am more than happy to be in touch and have made new friends through our dogs having a litter of puppies.
Kai eager to get to his birthday cake
Kai’s Birthday cards
Kai had a birthday party, with dog friends invited. Kai got presents, cards and cake. A lot for a one year old dog. ‘a couple of the pics from Kai’s party. He had a great time, ran rings around everybody. Was hard to get some pics with the bedlam going on. He had 3 doggy friends in all going bonkers lol Wee Millie the cocker spaniel is knackered. He’s totally spoilt but we love him to bits.’ Kai lives with a lovely couple who keeps up updated on his progress. He is a lucky boy to be in this family; well loved and will always come first. You can tell by just looking at them that they were meant to be. Kai fits into his home so well. He sits on the sofa, looking around like lord of the manor.
Sandy went to live with a couple with a little girl. He is loved to bits by the family. I got a message that said ‘Hi Elizabeth we are all doing well. Nobody can believe that Sandy isn’t one yet because of his height. He has the square nose like his Daddy. We will have to bring him to see you all, but will ring first. This photo was taken at Halloween, he loved his spider, it only lasted a day. Sandy loves cuddles and up at the school he barks if people don’t come over and pat him. He’s a case, he patrols the back garden and barks if he sees something he is not happy with. He loves the trampoline, you should see him and Aimme jumping on it, they are great pals’
Jake is a lovely Labrador that lives with his human parents (who love him very much) and two pussy cats. He is a cuddly dog, who loves to be pampered and snuggled in. He is like his parents and is quick of the mark in running around and playing with toys, but equally likes to lie in and if you didn’t know them better you would think they were lazy and thought they were lying there all day. Jake likes to tell you what he wants. His folks sent me a message with a photo of him sitting up straight and it said ‘that is the baby telling you he wants this’ and then a photo of him outside. Clever dog.
Jake sitting waiting to go gout for his walk
Jake standing ready for the off…..
Gunner and Brandy playing at the Beach
Louise & Gunner
Gunner & Keith
Gunner, is the only fox red Labrador exactly like his daddy, some of the others have similarities, but Gunner is a dead ringer for Buddy. Gunner has gone to live with Louis & Keith, they have a boxer bitch, Brandy and a couple of cats. Gunner has fitted in perfectly. Louis and Keith have become our friends. They pop down to see us, with and without Gunner. Louise and Keith came to see me in hospital, they couldn’t bring Gunner so brought a beautiful framed photo, this fair cheered me up and let the staff see one of the beautiful dogs Bella has given birth too. Its been a win win situation. Louis and Keith take Gunner and Brandy on lots of outings, the dogs enjoy lots of walks . Gunner is also getting trained to the Gun with Keith. Merely as a hobby, both man and dog appear to love it. Gunner is very protective like his Dad and follows Louise around the house and sits and waits whilst she has a bath, etc.
Harley, had a lovely birthday. He got a cake and presents, as you can see in the photographs. Harley left us at 6 weeks old. He gets well cared for by Sally. He has another Labrador as a companion, his name is Cooper. Sally has taught Harley well, he does what he is told, gives paws on command, rolls over, does all sorts of wonderful tricks. Harley loves long walks and running around with some of his other furry friends, but I think most of all he likes to get very wet and muddy: just to keep Sally on her toes. We have kept in close contact and I get kept up to date with all his progress. Sally has brought Harley back to ours for a visit. They have visited to meet up with Gunner and had lots of fun with their parents, Buddy and Bella. And they have visited for a quieter visit, just Harley & Sally. Where Harley has had a cuddle and played with Buddy and Bella for a while.
It was a big decision for us to breed Buddy and Bella last year. Would we manage with the pups with the way my health is the way it is? How busy Steve can be for work? We talked about it at great length. Then decided to let nature take its course. They mated on 1st January 2015 and Bella gave birth on 1st March 2015. I’m not going to say it was easy. Once the puppies got to the three week stage and they were needing weaned onto porridge, it began to get a bit of hard work. But the first three weeks, Bella kept them clean, fed them and to be honest you hardly heard a peep out of them. When they started eating the porridge they were like little gremlins – yum yum yum. Got to say though, all well behaved, and kept to their own bowls. The key was organisation. Steve’s cousin, Anna, from Suffolk, came to stay with us for one week, she was a great help, washing floors, feeding pups, etc. Steve and I had most of the feeding and cleaning down to a routine, Steve did all the manual heavy work. I will admit it was hard work, however it was worth every minute of it. The cuddles from the little puppies, the joy and warmth we get from both Buddy and Bella. When the day came for the new owners to pick up their pup and take it home, you could see how excited they were, the looked at the puppy all doe eyed and eagerly told us of the items they had purchased for their new addition and how they could not wait to get home and show them their new bed.
When my phone texts or I get an email to say how well one of Bella and Buddy’s pups are doing I feel a sense of warmth and a big grin comes across my face. My dogs are special to me and I’m so pleased their children are have a special place in the hearts of the people they live with. I’m so happy we had a litter of puppies. The company of my own dogs, the new friends and hearing how the pups are getting on and developing into fully grown dogs is great for me. There are days I don’t feel well enough to go across the door. The contact with others, communicating, happy stories – it all makes the world a better place.
July was met with a busy time including travelling to Suffolk to celebrate the wedding of steph and Levi. Five weeks later and we are returning to the same family – Adam (steph’s brother) is getting hitched to Elodie.
As usual it’s like a military operation to get organised to travel anywhere these days. Outfits chosen, suitable clothing packed in the case. Check and re check I have all my medication, creams, pump, milks, first aid kit, etc. And my companion bear – Hans. Could not possibly travel all that distance without my bear.
The nurse comes into our home on the morning we are heading down south. This is to check how I am and to do my dressings before heading off. My skin on my face, particularly where the tube had been resting has become agitated and red – some improvisation is needed: I’ve a cushioned dressing between the tube and my cheek now to prevent further damage. My nose where the plaster goes is getting red and a tad sore too. It’s all a little cumbersome but feels much more comfortable.
The day we travelled down was warm. Sun cream, hats, oakleys and the essential good playlist on the car hifi. Two hours short of our destination we make an essential toilet and coffee stop. On walking back to the car Steve gets stung by a wasp. In the matter of seconds his arm swells like a balloon. Fortunately we have cream with us to put on his arm. His singing is less enthusiastic and driving slower – I can tell his arm is very sore and he has been affected by the little blighter. We arrive at our destination. Anna has a lovely dinner on. We all tuck in and have a good natter. An hour later I’m more than ready for my bed. Pjs are on, feed pump is set up and all tucked in for the night it’s been a long tiring day.
Friday is the day before the wedding. Long lie, quiet morning then visit John and Sam in the afternoon. In the morning Steve rescued a bird, I was in my element taking photographs. Visit to John and Sam was lovely – really enjoyed it. In the evening Adam, the groom, had guests over – some friends, his cousin Megan and her husband Jason from Canada. Guitars were played, songs were sung, laughter filled the room. It was so lovely to see so many smiling faces. When Steve gets in bed he sees some flashing lights out of one of his eyes- we check the room – I assure him I can’t see any. Perhaps he is going to get a migraine.
So it’s Saturday and the day of the wedding. It’s also our 29th wedding anniversary. I can remember our wedding day so clearly. We have had our up and downs, but I have to admit I am happy to say that I still love the bones of that cocky young lad I met in high school who became my best friend, my lover, my husband, our two sons father, my rock. I can hear Steve talking about the day we got married – me on the back of his Honda cb350 the morning we are getting married to get a new pair of shoes. Four years ago I managed to get the very same bike for his silver wedding present.
This is Steve touching up his precious 25 year old bike.
Ahh such beautiful memories. Beep beep bong – that’s my 10 hour feed finished. Time to get up out of the bed. Disconnect myself from the pump. Get some boiled water. Draw it up the syringe. Flush my tube. Deteach the tubing and the empty bottle from the pump and stand. Dispose in recycling. Put pump on charge for later. Steve comes back into the bedroom armed with a welcomed cup of hot juice for me and to let me know he is heading out with the groom party for the ‘boys breakfast’. Just take your time he says you have been up several times through the night – last night was one of those nights that the bowels were in overdrive, the feed pump had a mind of its own and went off a couple of times…… I looked at Steve all dressed in his black watch kilt – yes I still love every inch of you. Probably more so than the day we married. The good news is Steve didn’t get a migraine, although his eye feels murky. He wants to eye drops – not like Steve at all. Fortunately our bedroom has an ensuite so off I toddle to get washed, apply my oilatum, then my diprobase cream over my whole body, then the factor 50 ultra sun sense sun cream. Phew – lie on the bed and have a wee rest. That’s one of the things that gets me the most – is the exhaustion. Words can’t describe the feeling of fatigue. I don’t like to sound like a moaning Minnie. It’s amazing how applying some cream to your skin can feel like a work out. I have taught myself to do things in stages and where possible out of the public eye. Ten minutes later and I’m ready to put on my Dundee cream (this is special sun reflectant coloured cream prescribed by a hospital in Dundee. It matches my colour tone, it reflects the sunlight and stops my skin burning. My skin reacts even in winter sun for as short as time as five minutes and can peel and blister when the light has shone through glass if I am not protected.) – the cream comes in two colours; coral pink and beige, I mix them together and apply it like foundation. Once it’s applied it looks great. Gives a healthy glow even on the peakiest days. Look at the watch – I’ve got a quiet hour before I need to get dressed. Anna and the girls are away to get their hair done.
Ta da we are all ready for the wedding – and what a lovely day it was too. I managed to stay till 10pm. But when Steve caught me sleeping at the table for the third time he insisted it was time for us to retire to our beautiful hotel room. I didn’t take any persuasion.
The Sunday and Monday were spent fairly leisurely, which was lovely. Feet up when we wanted, fun conversation, nostalgic conversation & some TV. Just what you need in preparation for a 400 mile journey home. Steve still kept rubbing his eye. He bought eye drops and put them in. He assured me he was ok, I wasn’t convinced. Looking forward to getting home and seeing our lads and our Labradors. And not to mention getting Steve’s eye checked out.
smile each and every day 